Dear Editor,
I refer to the ‘Father and Son’ commercial produced by the USAID/GHARP which is often broadcast locally. The commercial is set in front of the garage of a house where the character playing the father is examining a car’s engine. The son comes home and shyly approaches his father about the topic of sex. Sad to say, the father then begins the discussion by using driving the car as an allegory for sex.
Let’s examine the relationship between a person and a vehicle and the relationship between two persons of the opposite sex. Can a car get pregnant by being driven? Can a car contract an STI by being driven?
A licensed driver can drive a different vehicle every night if possible and there would be nothing wrong with that; should that be the case with sex? An individual can own several vehicles at any given point in time and there would be nothing wrong with that; is the commercial suggesting that a person have multiple sex partners?
There are no emotional scars to deal with in a human to car relationship, there can however, be countless emotional scars to deal with in human to human relationships.
I’m sure that a more scrutinized analysis of the above-mentioned allegory will highlight many other flaws of the said allegory. However, I will limit this letter to the few highlights above.
At the end of this distressing allegory, the son looks up at his father and asks the question “can I drive?” The father replies with “No. You’re not licensed yet.” At this point in the commercial one wonders, what is the ‘license’ to have sex. The commercial closes by attempting to provide the answer by saying, SEX – wait until you are: Mature, Responsible, Ready! This is the suggested ‘license’ or standard by which one must decide whether or not to have sex. Such a standard is ambiguous and weak. Hence it will only serve to deceive our youths?
Let’s now examine the three suggested criteria for having sex. The first one is “wait until you are mature”. To be mature is defined as “having reached a stage of mental or emotional development characteristic of an adult”. The problem with this criterion is that many young persons think that they are mature, when in reality they are far from anything near maturity. Maturity, as defined above, is not reached at any given age, it is a stage. Hence, there are sixteen-year-olds who are mature and conversely there are thirty-year-olds who are immature. If maturity is the standard, then the question is: is it alright for the mature sixteen-year-olds to have sex?
The second criterion is “wait until you are responsible”. One definition for the word responsible is “morally accountable for one’s behaviour.” Based on that definition, if a twelve-year-old tells a lie, isn’t he or she morally accountable for his or her behaviour? Isn’t the child punished for lying since he or she is responsible for his or her behaviour? But should the twelve-year-old have sex since he or she is morally accountable or responsible for his or her behaviour?
The final criterion suggested by the commercial in determining whether or not one should have sex is “wait until you are ready”. One definition for the word ready is “fully prepared”.. The question is what is ‘fully prepared’? Who or what determines when a person is fully prepared? Is it age? Is it job status? Is it academic achievements? Any young person who wants to have sex will tell you and even think that they are ready. This is simply because they don’t know what it means to be ready. If they were to take an examination, they would have a sense of readiness based on a course outline they would have followed in studying for the exam. Even then, they may have qualms about their readiness. But when it comes to having sex, what is the course outline they are to follow? Is it maturity and responsibility? As explained above, those two criteria obviously do not work?
Even when taken together, the criteria “wait until you are: Mature, Responsible, Ready!” will not work. Any teenager can meet those criteria; is the commercial suggesting that any teenager who meets the criteria have sex? What happens when the teenager who meets the criteria and engages in sexual intercourse gets pregnant out of wedlock or contracts an STI?
I submit that the only standard that works is marriage. Marriage is the formal union of one man to one woman, by which they become husband and wife – anything else is not marriage. When two persons of the opposite sex want to have sexual intercourse, they should ask themselves, are we married to each other? If the answer is yes, then go ahead, if the answer is no, then they should not have sex. The standard of marriage eliminates ambiguity and confusion from decision making. Our youths must not be bewildered and left to wonder about the right time to have sex. They must be unmistakably taught the right time – marriage!
If marriage and sex were treated with sanctity by society then our problems with AIDS and promiscuity would not have been as prominent as they are today.
Yours faithfully,
Ganesh Gupta
A very credible observation.
I had the same observations when I first saw the ad. I was in Guyana on business. After viewing the ad, I thought here they go again and here goes another critical comment penned by me; somehow I desisted from commenting because I thought the script was so ridiculous and stupid that it was a waste of time, it wouldn’t matter in the least, until now.
I have done some policy work on health matters relating to alievating inequities and inequalities (as a result by policy) including how HIV/AIDS messaging can support community medicine and thought it strange that GHARP with its foreign experts on these matters would not have seen the contradictory messaging.
Further that it is obvious that the Ministry of Health lacks the policy making mechanism to ensure consistency of actions to technical best practices is no surprise. Minister Ramsammy has for all intent and purpose been dependent of PAHO and other health service organizations operating in Guyana to provide technical help to the ministry since he started to marginalize and frustrate staff members who just packed up and left. Check and see how many advisors PAHO under its previous representative facilitated to the Ministry of Health. Guyana is now a country where mediocre approached are cherished as best practices. What do you expect when the blind are leading the blind? The exodus of talented people and the latitude given to foreign “experts” continue to harm our collective progress. I am sure there are many who have marvelled at this rubbish which cost millions of dollars and is in the pocket of a mediocre advertising agency. There have been other similar thoughtless ads, plays and so on relating to the HIV/AIDS messaging.
This is why in Canada, governments pay so much money to companies like mine to do work for them. Because policy influences the lives of people one way or the other through correct actions, incorrect actions or inaction.
The car analogy was used to broach a difficult topic between a parent and child. I dare say, most people go the point including the commercial’s intended teenaged audience.
The commercial’s creators wanted to convey the message that parent/child sexual discussions does not have to be formal and intellectualized and sometimes can be more affective if delivered in an informal style.
This is all a matter of judgemental heuristics and that commercial is obviously not clear. This is unfortunate because such productions aimed at youth are supposed to set a prime example of communication and it’s doing quite the opposite.
By the same token, I believe the commercial is relying on the interpretation by parents who are supposed to be ready and willing to explain the concepts of “mature, responsible, and ready” to their kids, since that’s what’s happening in the commercial. I have to assume that the original intention of this commercial is to evoke this communication between parents and their children.
If we follow this line of logic, then we have to ask, “Are the parents mature, responsible, and ready to explain sexual relations to their children?”
When the intention is not clear, we always follow our judgemental heuristics – which is different between kids and adults. Adults forget this necessary detail of how to deal with impressionable, young mentalities. In fact, there is no mandatory training for people on how to raise kids, so, in general, people are just relying on “family and friend” information – which are also judgemental heuristics.
In fact, any commercials should be aimed at parents to become educated in raising their children.
One more item: I’ve heard of little teenagers getting married (the most famous one between Jerry Lee Lewis and his little cousin).
To me, this is also out of the question, because teenagers, no matter how mature they may seem, simply want to emulate adults, but without the responsibility.
Someone needs to sits down with them to explain how responsibility goes hand in hand with acts of adulthood; that they should express their freedoms and responsibilities as kids first before expressing their freedoms and responsibilities as adults.
The right time is dependent on the morals and ethics Parents and Guardians imprint upon the impressionable minds. The issue of formal sex (marriage) has gone out the window, therefore; to be practical it is necessary to show the pros and cons of life as a responsible adult to children who are pre-teens (in a palatable manner of course) For when pre-teens are exposed to ‘witnessing’ the errors of teenagers those pre-teens generally do better than those who are now discovering the power of choice and living with peer pressure.
In the ad if that father had explained to his son the consequences of sex when the boy was a pre-teen, that youth would have been able to advance the discussion a bit more with his father to the realm of experience and events, making him a better balanced youth.
Marriage is a man made union, an institution created by man made religions. Sex is a natural, programmed awakening that occurs in all living species.
Christian religion has taught us during the Victorian era that sex is taboo, dirty and wicked. that is why many parents find it difficult to discuss with kids.
Sex is the natural creation of the process of life, it is as natural as a bird who knows to build a nest without having to attend nest building college. It is a right of passage, governed by the laws of nature. Your young child will suddenly drop their dolls and crayons and flirt for the attention of the opposite sex. It can happen at any time, of their teenage years. It is a programmed condition to ensure a continuation of the species. It has nothing to do with wicked evil thought.
We are the only species on the planet that has the ability to trigger the sex response at will and not as a seasonal activity, as in an animal rut season.
We should therefore educate our kids on ways to safely journey through this right of passage, teach them the purpose as well as the pitfalls, instead of making them feel guilty of harbouring only ” wicked thoughts”.
HIV is a sexually transmitted disease, marriage did not save anyone from Syphalis, or Gonnerria it will not save anyone from HIV either.
Joe.