Dear Editor,
In recent times various things have given rise to spousal abuse, but one of these is that somewhere in the 1980s, our women began in increasing numbers to seek higher education.
At the University of Guyana they began to outstrip their male counterparts in the student population. If western history teaches us one thing, it is that it is difficult to control an educated person. Suddenly man is faced with a spouse who is aware of her rights and not economically dependent on him. He is no longer coming home to the docile person whose adulation he took for granted all these years. This must have been a terrible shock to men who were never prepared to deal with this new relationship that expresses itself in acts of independence that education of necessity will give rise to.
Years ago in the book The Celestine Vision, the author tells us that humans tend to have three ways in which they can try to get the person with whom they share a relationship to do their bidding. These are reasoning, force and ‘poor me.’ If we think we are ‘bright’ we use reason; if we do not have the confidence that we can do this, we turn to force. Women tend to use the ‘poor me’ approach much more than men. When a woman says to her man, “Boy! This is the way you treating me, after all I do for you? Me mother and sisters don’t talk to me because I stay with you and dis is how you treating me?” she is using the ‘poor me’ approach. Few men would not give in to the ‘poor me’ approach.
Since our daughters are doing better at school than our sons they also take better advantage of the reasoning approach. Our sons are left with only force at their disposal. The abuse of our women by men might be in part, our sons’ desperate cry for help.
In Guyana the inefficiency of the law in these cases is very apparent. Sending the man to prison because he beats his wife, might gratify our anger as a nation, but nothing about being in prison suggests to me that an abuser is likely to return to society a changed person. So he returns to society, finds another female partner and picks up from where he left off. This is not to say that laws are not important, they are. But where social problems like spousal abuse are concerned, the law is best seen as a support to the social programmes that are implemented to deal with such problems. However the social programme response must be guided by some analysis of the problem and an understanding of our society.
For many women engaging the police for assistance is not the assistance they need. They do not want their husbands or lovers in jail. For those women out of work and with children this is not an attractive option. The tendency of mothers to put their children’s well-being before their own safety, is greatly misunderstood by most of us. In SN of July 10, 2009, we are told that Pamela Lachana who was wounded by her husband, fell on her knees and begged Magistrate Krishandat Persaud not to jail her husband for six months. To her plea the magistrate is reported to have asked her if she “liked being beaten?” While the police and our courts have a role to play, they cannot be seen as the final solution.
In the context of Guyana the provision of a ‘safe’ house is a difficult one to achieve. The ease with which we have established these is an indication of our need to speedily respond to a challenge we suddenly found ourselves drowning in and/or a careless copying of an approach used in large societies. Recently a woman who was taken to one of these ‘safe’ homes was again beaten by her spouse who had been able to find out where it was located. In societies like Guyana one would be hard pressed to establish such a home and be able to keep its location secret for any significant length of time. To put it mildly, we love to share information.
So, what is the alternative? First, for me a woman who is being abused needs an immediate place to turn to for protection and safety, and that place has to be in the community.
Perhaps the home of a respected person in the community, or the village church can serve this purpose. The abuser must understand that this home has the support of the community.
Thus if he attempts to storm this sanctuary he would have to face the full wrath of the community. Chances are that the abuser would not do anything stupid; rarely have I found a person who did not respect at least one person in his community. This place is expected to provide safety until the police or social worker arrives. In the SN of July 27, 2009 we read of Baychan who was being beaten by her reputed husband, running to the police station across the road for protection. Only very few women will be living that close to a police station to have this as a first refuge. In a desperate situation community action has to be the first response. For the community to take up its responsibility, however, it needs to be organized. Agencies with a stake in this must build partnerships with the villages/communities. Office space for the group in the community taking the lead on this must be made available, etc.
Tremendous evil could be perpetuated if and when the absence of a sense of community leaves us incapable of acting. Recently in North Ruimveldt, a young woman claimed she was being pressured to have sex with the male resident of a home she was taken to. In a bid to get away from him, she claims she screamed for help, but no neighbour came to her rescue.
Next we need to increase the availability of job training programmes and educational opportunity at the village/ community level for women.
As I write this my main thought is that being em-ployed will offer the abused woman more options. I also remember working with women groups in a certain region, and on asking why they wanted to commence small businesses, I was told that “many of de men in de area does beat dem woman, but when de woman wuking dey does stop beat dem.” So apparently the woman who is economically independent is given more respect by her spouse.
I will merely say in closing, as we seek to help citizens overcome their challenges, we need to conceive responses that would help them restore their pride and self esteem, programmes that encourage independence. Encouraging a response to social problems mainly by way of community action offers us the best chances of achieving all this.
Yours faithfully,
Claudius Prince
