“The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is ‘What does a woman want?’” (Sigmund Freud)
And he was a very smart man. He had an opinion on everything, from the defence mechanism of repression (?!?) to crop irrigation techniques in Hubu backdam. He was a heavy thinker back in the day and though some of his theories may have been abandoned like the D’Urban Park Development Project he is generally regarded as the father of psychoanalysis. So if Freud failed to figure out what the fairer sex wants, why should we expect Georgie at the bus park to know better? And while my name isn’t Georgie I’ve always been the curious sort and I believe that whenever you’re in doubt you should find out. So in a snap survey I asked several young, professional women what they were looking for, specifically as it relates to a mate. (I got 171,000,000 hits when I googled it).
The following are the responses with just the names changed to protect the respondents’ identities.
Erica – Caricom Secretariat staff
For me he needs to be intelligent and funny, not so big on the looks, must be goal oriented, and he must treat his family well – that’s how you know how he will treat you and your family. It has be someone who you can be yourself with because after a long day at work being a professional you want someone to let your guard down with and just be you.
Selena – senior government employee
Interestingly enough, what I’m looking for has evolved over years or even months, as my experiences and exposure have grown. At 25 with my Masters Degree, a steady job, blossoming career, I’m looking for a guy to complement me. I’m looking for a guy who can be a true friend, which means being straight with me when I’m wrong (being in authority in the workplace sometimes carries over to personal relationships but I need a guy to hold his own, not be arrogant but self assured and aware enough to deal equally with me); has the ability to calm me down when I’m freaking out (I guess someone you can clearly see as a strong Port in the Storm). Bottom line is stability; passion that lasts beyond the initial moments; someone that understands that my career is important to me; can fit into any circle no matter the strata and appreciates the integrity of a marriage, the need for honesty and a united spiritual life. Oooh yes, and he must wish to have a family with me (All of crazy me; the good, the bad, the cute and the not so gorgeous).
Maria – private sector manager
He must definitely be understanding about my non-conventional work schedule, since I won’t be cooking dinner every night. And he must make more money than me.
Felicia – lawyer
I personally prefer a man who has nothing to do with my profession… who I can have conversations with about anything else so I can leave my job at work. I don’t like people up in my face so I’ll need space. And of course sex! He must be willing to do what he’s gotta do to please me and I’ll return the favour.
Nadine – technical research officer
He must be well educated, tall, a working man with some position in life and he must know how to treat a woman.
Alicia –private sector employee
Honesty and trust are the main ingredients for me. He must be caring, kind and loving. Once those are there, everything else will fall into place. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder; he can be handsome – and an abuser or a cheat and liar. So what’s inside is important not the outer appearance. What we women do is look for beauty on the outside and not inside, and a few years down the line you find that beauty to be a monster with all the lies and deception.
Maryanne – doctor
I think we want the same things all women want. Someone who is loving, kindhearted – all those other things I am sure you know. He has to be ambitious, have a decent job and open-minded…
But basically someone who has the basic general qualities that we women want with ambition; [he] must be loyal – and non-judgmental is a must also for me – and a believer in God
Latoya – journalist
I like a man who’s honest, intelligent, kind loving respectful… and have other qualities of a similar nature. He doesn’t have to be handsome, but moderately good looking at least. I like men who are open-minded and are willing to compromise. He must be responsible as well and I must feel safe when I’m with him, the way I feel when I was with my parents – like I have nothing to worry about. He must respect my decisions and trust my judgment and vice versa. He must also be a fun person to be with and someone who could ease my stresses. He must be reasonably good in bed and must know how to cook. Not an everyday guy, he must be himself.
Claudia – health sector professional
First and most importantly, he must be God-fearing and must respect who I am and what I do professionally. Generally I’m looking for his care and support in terms of him understanding and accepting that I will have many long hours of work and the fact that I will not always be able to give him the attention he needs. Therefore, he must have excellent coping abilities.
As professionals ever so often we are placed in the category ‘aggressive’ women who want to be in control but I’m not sure how much merit that has. Nevertheless, that man of mine must know how to be ‘the man’ without being controlling and too demanding; in other words he must know how to steer his ship without making it sink.
He must fit into my circle in every sense. I’m not saying he should learn my job, but I should be proud to have him accompany me to dinner with my boss and colleagues.
He should be a good listener even when I’m not verbally saying anything. He should never be intimidated if I’m at his level or higher professionally.
For me the simple things matter the most. You don’t have to buy me a car or a house for my birthday; he can make me a card with crayons and paper. He must never try being professional with me, we are not colleagues. If we are we would never be together in a relationship. He must be able to come up with creative ways to keep my mind off work and on him.
For his sake he should not even try going out of his way to impress me; it would have been good initially or I wouldn’t have noticed him. Therefore he must be himself. Finally he should not try acting like he’s the woman in the relationship, not because I might be busy it means I don’t know how to be the woman in the relationship. He must have the right touch and be romantic and good in bed.
And finally finally, he must have excellent communication skills with a talent of some kind and a sense of humour.
Fellas, I can’t do more than that for you. Good luck measuring up. But one more thing. If beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder doesn’t that mean so too does ugliness?
