When he won’t wear a condom
So, you’ve been out clubbing to let off some steam from a hard week at school or work. You hit it off with a cutie pie who has gorgeous eyes. He has been so very respectful all night long and once you’ve sized him up, you feel safe enough to believe he won’t harm you. After seeing his moves on the dance floor, you want to know if he can keep that passion going in the bedroom. So, when he asks you to if you want to go somewhere more private, you say you would love to.
That passion does translate to the bedroom and you are both really into each other. There is instant fire and clothes start landing on the floor in piles. You are both consenting adults and there is nothing to stop you from enjoying each other. So you tell him to put the condom on quickly cause your body is yearning, but he says, “Nah, baby, I didn’t have time to buy condoms on my way out tonight.”
Not wanting to break the mood, you are glad you always walk with condoms in your purse, which you have learned to strategically place on the nightstand for just such occasions. You grab a condom so smoothly that he doesn’t even know you’ve missed a beat. You unwrap it yourself and decide to help him with the process when he pauses and looks at you with those killer eyes and softly tells you, “Baby, I don’t wear condoms.”
Sister, at this crucial point – with your body on fire with desire and passion – this is not a good time for you to make a life-altering decision about whether you will have sex with a guy if he refuses to wear a condom. That decision should have been completely thought out already, as well as how to respond to the situation.
Are you strong enough to tell him no condom means no sex? Have you thought about all of the consequences of having unprotected sex when you had a clear head so that you would have the fortitude to get up and walk away if he continues to refuse to wear a condom? Did you put money in your purse for a taxi? Were you smart enough to make a mental note of your location when you got to his place?
If you did not take the time to think a serious situation like this through before now and if you have not already crafted a game plan on what to do in these circumstances, then chances are you will give into your passion and have sex with a complete stranger who could have HIV or any number of sexually transmitted infections (STI).
Moreover, if you are using condoms as a form of birth control and go ahead and have sex with cutie pie without a condom, you could have just jeopardised all of your future plans, your education, your career and a good life – just for a few minutes of passion. In fact, you might have just made the one decision that will ensure that you are a single young mother without a full education or serious work experience that has to raise a baby on her own. Poverty for life.
Is a few minutes with cutie pie worth a lifetime of struggling financially, living in sub-standard housing and taking whatever demeaning job that will pay the rent and feed the child? Is he worth a lifetime of suffering ill health from an STI? Come on, girl! You are smarter than that!
And all he has to do is put the condom on to save you from so much potential calamity. It really is that simple. Sister, if he does not respect you enough to do something so simple as wear a condom so that you can live a life of peace, health and financially stability – then you should have no problem grabbing your clothes from the floor and calling a taxi to take you home.
Who cares if cutie pie is left at full salute? What’s important is that when you wake up the next morning, you do not have to wonder if you are pregnant or if you have HIV. The solution is so very simple – and the passion could easily continue without causing you harm – if he just wears a condom. Period.
There are a myriad of reasons given as to why a man will not wear a condom:
• He doesn’t feel as stimulated
• Condoms are messy
• Condoms break the mood
• If you really love him, you would trust him
• He says, “But you are on the pill” (the pill does not protect you from STIs)
• Condoms don’t really work (condoms are 98% effective)
All of the reasons given by men who refuse to wear a condom mean absolutely nothing when you weigh them with the possible outcomes for you if you are not strong enough to demand protection from a sex partner.
Some guys are just uneducated when it comes to understanding how important it is to his partner for him to wear a condom. Feel free to educate him. Others are just selfish and could care less if a one-night-stand gets pregnant or an STI. Others may actually have nefarious intentions. He may want to control you or he may take pride in persuading women to have sex without protection. He may even want to give you a child or an STI.
You must protect yourself. Do not expect anyone else to make this important decision for you. Be smart and be prepared. Enjoy having sex, but on terms that safeguard your health and your future.
Oh, and what happens if after he refuses to wear a condom and you have changed your mind about having sex he decides that he will make you have sex without your consent? Make sure your purse also has pepper spray in it. A little mace goes a long way.