Folks who come back to Guyana, even for a visit, are hardly off the plane before they suddenly become experts on what’s wrong with the country. They’ve been away for 15 years, they’re only here for 10 days, and 6 of that they’re gone in the interior, but they can tell you how to solve all Guyana’s problems. Everybody living here has encountered that scenario. Well I’ve been back now about four years, I’m a careful observer, and I think I have gained some credentials, so let me give you my ideas of fixing some problems in GT.
Going in, some things are hard to fix. If for example you have the condition Guyanese call “bow foot” (it’s actually “bow-legged”; nothing is wrong with the foot), I have no idea how to fix that. Or if you have no ear sound and can’t carry a tune, I won’t be of any help. Believe me, I’ve tried with the no-ear-sound folks; it’s hopeless. Also, I can’t help you stop smoking. I used to smoke but giving it up is very difficult; as the saying goes, “Giving up smoking is easy; I’ve done it many times.” However, I have had a good look at some of Guyana’s problems, and I have some fixes in mind.
Let’s tackle the easy ones first. You know how Guyanese hate to get in line for everything and just rush to get in front? In foreign, the white folks line up like soldiers; no pushing, no shoving; they will line up in sub-zero weather for a movie – I mean, 10 below. It’s so cold, the theatre people are on the sidewalk handing out cups of hot chocolate and coffee…folks are shivering, but they’re in a nice neat line. I drive up; I know the temperature; I see the line; I drive off. Guyanese don’t like to line up; our approach is to rush the gate. You know how it is; one mass of people pushing, shoving, holding up their tickets to get in; all the folks with bad body odour gone to the front; no line; one big clump. Well we can fix that in five minutes.
You remember years ago in the cinemas they would have a guy controlling pit, making everybody behave? Astor had a guy with a whip – I mean an actual whip. Remember that? Okay, every place where
