You’re going to have to stay with me on this one; it’s quite an experience. I’m planning a three-day trip to Jamaica so I book my flight with Connections Travel (piece of cake), and then go online to book a hotel. These days, that’s supposed to be another piece of cake, so I go to the Kingston Pegasus website, get their email address from “contact us,” and I send them a reservation request. Two days later, no reply. I stayed there a lot in Eldon Bremner’s time as manager (lovely guy), and besides they make a champion saltfish-and-bake breakfast, but they must be busy, so I look elsewhere. I go to the web and look for Marriott, but when I put in my travel dates it bounces back, “We are unable to process your information.” I try it again, same result. As I’m sitting there staring at the screen, there’s a pop-up under the Marriott logo that says, “I’m Sue Lima. You seem to be having a problem. May I help you?” I’m so grateful to be in contact with a person instead of a bounce back. I reply saying, “I’m trying to book the Marriott in Jamaica and it’s like pulling teeth.” She sends me back a Marriott link. I try it. It sends me back to the same “unable to process” screen. I tell Sue that.
She sends me another link reading Ritz Carlton. I type in, “I’m looking for Marriott info, the link you sent is to Ritz Carlton.” She replies, “We have no other hotel in Jamaica.” I’m steaming now, because she’s obviously a poacher trying to steer me to the Ritz. I say, “You’re helping me by steering me to the Ritz?” Sue replies, “We have no other hotel in Jamaica. If we can help you in any other way, please call.” This is all online, you know. I type in: “Have a nice evening, Sue.” Sue answers, “You also.” Nobody speaks, you know; it’s the modern efficient age.
I had told my friend Colin that I’m going to Jamaica, and he knows the place backwards, so I call him. I say, “I tried to book a room at the Pegasus but no answer. Where can I stay that is not far from the Peg?” He says, “Try Duke Lodge.” I can’t believe there’s also a place in Jamaica with that exact name, so I say, “That’s the name of the hotel?” Colin spells it out for me and says it’s walking distance from the Peg. I’m stunned by the coincidence, but I google it. Of course (why are you laughing?) I come up with Gerry Gouveia’s Duke Lodge in Guyana. I call Colin back. “Banna. There’s no Duke Lodge in Jamaica.” He says, “Jamaica? I thought you were trying to book a room at the Pegasus here.” If he was nearby, I would have strangled him. Anyhow, confusion over, he suggests I check out the Wyndham. Back online, I get a recorded message. “Sorry, but we have had a sudden fire and the hotel has been evacuated. All guests have been placed in other hotels, but we are closed. We apologize for any inconvenience caused.”
I’ve passed annoyed; I’m laughing. I hit redial and back to Colin for other hotel suggestions – the man knows Kingston like I know Vreed-en-Hoop. He suggests I call Courtleigh Manor. I do, and the process is a piece of (yeah, that) but the rate is very high for 2 days, and all I’m doing is sleeping at the damn place (that’s an expensive sleep) so back to Colin who remains as calm as the Dalai Lama. He suggests Terra Nova.
The Terra Nova home page gives a “contact us” button but when I click it I get a pop-up with that “Website wants to use…” message with the “allow” and “don’t allow” choices. I don’t know these people, so naturally I click the “don’t allow” and it bounces me back to the home page. I try it twice; two bounces. I’m laughing so hard that my Dalai Lama can barely understand me when I call him back. He says his wife suggests I try the Altamont.
Incidentally, in the middle of this telephoning I had dialled Colin’s number once and got a terse message from GT&T that “all circuits are busy.” I tried it twice, same message. They have to be kidding. It’s 10 o’clock at night, and there’s no blackout; how come there’s so many people on the phone?
Anyhow I google the Altamont, type in my reservation, and everything is going fine until I get to the personal information page. It asks for a State and a Zip Code, which I obviously don’t have so I leave it blank. It comes back, “Please fill in State.” I type in “East Coast Demerara” – that’s as close to a State as I can imagine for GT – but it comes back “Please fill in State” and gives me the list of all the American ones.
I take a deep breath, shut one eye and type in “Florida.” Now mind you, my country address already says “Guyana,” but it goes through – perhaps there’s a Florida in Guyana? Trust me; there are idiot computers; it comes back with, “Please fill in Zip Code.” I shut both eyes and type in a former girlfriend’s Zip Code.
The computer must know my former girlfriend; it goes through. I’m so relieved I almost had a double XM, and I’m a very occasional drinker, but this was very much an occasion.
Two final bits: a nice lady named Loraine Tait at the Pegasus eventually called back and got me a room. The other point, and the essential one here, is that all these genuflections before technology these days don’t tell you that many things are more difficult now than ever, and you have to tiptoe your way around the pitfalls.
So I eventually got my hotel room in Jamaica (a place, by the way, that I love), but I guarantee you that somewhere on this trip some other technological foul up will hit me in the behind, or some other tender spot, and irritate me all over again; I know that as surely as God made mangoes with only one seed. Stay tuned.
