Dear Editor,
I write in reply to yesterday’s letter in SN written by J Hughes and titled ‘Women should begin to look at themselves.’ While the intent of the letter is to encourage women to be proactive in the fight against domestic violence and other forms of abuse against women, the writer places an unconscionable burden on women.
The writer asserts that women who are victims of domestic violence portray an image that they cherish lifeless material things over their lives. This generalization is one that furthers the scourge of violence against women. It places the blame on women and makes the issue about a woman’s behaviour and choices as opposed to making the issue about the abusers. We should not teach our daughters to dress better, have less value for material objects and so on; instead we should teach men not to hurt women. In fact we should teach all citizens to respect each other. Yes, the issue of domestic violence is peculiar to women who are the main victims, but judging them and shaming and linking their pursuits as justifications for violence against them, should not be encouraged.
The writer goes on at pains to illustrate that in their role as mothers, women should exercise a higher duty of care as opposed to fathers, because they are the ones who will always get the blame.
Again is it right to place such a burden on the shoulders of our mothers?
One simply cannot prima facie judge the choices of a mother on newspaper reports or observations. Her decision to dance, vend, clean houses, become a doctor or an escort to provide for her children or simply live out her life on this Earth, would be influenced by private individual situations and socio-economic opportunities.
The voices of concern should be aimed at agencies in the public/private sector and NGOs so that they provide valid, accessible opportunities, assistance and alternatives to any struggling mother.
It should be aimed at educators, religious organizations and other community groups so that boys are nurtured not to hurt a woman under any situation; don’t hurt her in any way whether she be materialistic, without love for her children, single, etc.
The teaching of detachment from material possessions is universal and should be taught to all human beings. And even then, it is down to the individual if he/she will choose to follow it or not. That is what we call freedom of choice. Finally, I most certainly assert that the male has not disappeared as pointed out by the writer. We read of him in the dailies committing acts of violence against women. So please, J Hughes, let us also try to reach him and better educate him.
Yours faithfully,
Deowattie Ramdyal
