If we are going to protect our children from sexual predators we must be equipped with the necessary tools

Dear Editor,

A wide cross-section of people have expressed their repugnance for child sexual abuse, and understandably so since such trauma inflicted on unsuspecting children can have irreversible psychological, emotional, social, and physical consequences, often lasting into adulthood.  After all, healthy children make healthy environment. With that said, I was fortunate to have attended a training session on child sexual abuse and would wish to disseminate a snippet of what was presented. If we are going to protect our children from sexual predators we must be equipped with the necessary tools.

The session presented a five pronged approach to tackle this scourge.

Step one hinges on learning the facts. Realities rather than passive trust should guide our choices about children’s safety from sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse flourishes in an environment of denial and fear; invariably the perpetrators are people whom the victims are familiar with and so they can be easily lured. A typical case of sexual abuse is commercial sexual exploitation. This is simply where the child is promised something of value which can range from money, food, clothing, gifts, etc.

Step two centres on minimizing opportunity. It is critical to eliminate or reduce isolated, one-on-one situations, and screen those who care for children to decrease the risk of sexual abuse. As stewards of children, it is important that the gaps in environments that allow offenders access to children are filled. With the availability and easy access to social networking sites, it is important to monitor our kids’ internet use. Understandably, when protections are lacking, the internet is an unsafe one-on-one environment for children and teens because offenders can lure and groom there. Minimizing opportunity also means screening out people who may abuse children. A prerequisite for this can include background checks and in-person interviews that focus on proper boundaries with children.

Step three entails having age-appropriate, open conversations about the body, sex and boundaries. The reason for this is because people who sexually abuse children exploit their innocence about their bodies, personal boundaries, and sex. As a matter of fact, they specifically target children who do not have the skills to talk about it. In other words, they use the lack of knowledge to keep them silent, embarrassed and compliant. Some recommendations here are to have a rational discussion with children when they are young and use proper names for the body parts; tell them what parts of the body others should not touch and this should include even family members, older youths, cousins, babysitters and friends. Teach kids that they have the right to tell anyone ‘no’ to an unwanted or uncomfortable touch. Never force children to give affection.

Step four deals with knowing the signs of sexual abuse to protect children from further harm. If adults spend time in settings that serve children, it is possible there would be children in our circle who are sexually abused. When physical signs are present, they may include bruising, bleeding, redness and bumps or scabs around the mouth, genitals, or anus. Other physical problems such as anxiety may include chronic stomach pain, or headaches. Notwithstand-ing those, emotional and behavioural signals are more common. Some display too perfect behaviour, withdrawal, fear, depression, unexplained anger and rebellion. In addition, others may include nightmares, bedwetting, failing grades, cruelty to animals, bullying, being bullied, and fire-setting, running away and self-harm. Sexual behaviour and language can be red flags. And startling, is the use of alcohol or drugs at an early age.

Ultimately, in worst case scenarios, God forbid, it is important that we act responsibly, more so if the child has revealed the problem since he or she has taken a huge risk in telling you. It is critical in these circumstances to give attention, compassion and believe the child. Some strategies may include listening calmly and openly, not filling in gaps, or rushing to get to the bottom of it. Allow silence in the conversation so that the child can take his or her time, refrain from asking leading questions about the details since these can seem judgmental and confuse the child’s memory; ask more open-ended questions like, ‘What happened next?’ It is always important to reassure kids that whatever happened is not their fault and they should be complimented for the courage they mustered to share the details of the unthinkable and dastardly act. Last but certainly not the least, secure the support of professional help in this area.

I know that we have a number of non-governmental organizations that are involved in the fight against HIV/AIDS, however, I am not sure if we have any which specifically target child sexual abuse. If we do not, then it might be useful to have one which can deal primarily with this issue since this too can be incontrovertibly categorized as an epidemic.

Yours faithfully, 

Raul Khan