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Wednesday Ramblings

Wood is good

Dear Readers,
We are writing this column from inside a latrine. It’s dark…we can’t find the shift button…It stinks and something is crawling up our aaaaaaghhh.

But hey, if a latrine is good enough for Guyana’s schoolchildren then it should be good enough for everyone in this dear land. Right?

After all children are the future.
We have been in this latrine since Sunday. It’s been hard. Sleeping. Eating. But we have all the necessities - adequate paper, an internet connection, DirecTV; a man is coming tomorrow to put in air conditioning.

It’s all part of our week long vigil for that poor little Minister of Education Shaik Baksh who was obviously so grief stricken by the death of Moruca student Tenesha De Souza who plunged to her death last week.

We know that his words, where he indicated that his ministry had no intention of phasing out pit latrines at schools as they were internationally accepted as a proper form of sanitation disposal did not reflect the emotions and the responsibility he felt towards this incident.

He does care. In fact we know for sure that Minister Baksh has an outhouse in his own backyard and that every morning he goes down there with his Chronicle (the perfect ending to a visit to a crap house)

That is how much our minister believes in the latrine as “a proper form of sanitation”.
Moreover we sent our reporter up to Pradoville and were pleased to find that every home of every minister /government official had a latrine in the backyard. Yes, even the President’s new home has this “proper form of sanitation”.

So why are these Amerindians getting so darn uppity? For godsakes, there’s not even proper electricity in Moruca or in almost all of their communities and all of a sudden they want fancy, fancy toilets for their kids!

These people have to realize two things. There is no more money for them. That model village at the Grand Market cost $20M! That’s about 500 toilet sets from Gafoors. They chose to be paraded and celebrated as Guyana’s first people for ten days and now it’s time they went back to their homes and be the happy contented folks we know them to be. Don’t cause a fuss, don’t ask for too much and please don’t embarrass this government that has done so much for you. Shoo! Shoo! Paddle on down the river…

Let’s be realistic: There is no way this government can afford to have running water coming to each and every school, let alone the luxury of actually putting in plumbing for modern toilets.

What on earth has gotten into the people when they start demanding such luxuries as indoor plumbing? Everyone knows the government is flat broke after Carifesta. That stage! The $24M in lighting that never arrived. These are the priorities that we should all support: Equipment for show biz.

So don’t come with these demands, comrades.
And there is a deeper reason why your demands for indoor plumbing are against the nation’s interests. There is no more pernicious symbol of colonialism than the porcelain bowl…after all it’s white. Once a young impressionable bottom feels that clean sanitary smoothness they would immediately start having bourgeois thoughts.

What else might they demand? Proper education? Law and order? Perish the thought! It’s a slippery road to them wanting a government that actually stands accountable to them. No, comrades, toilets are indeed a western invention that likely ushered in democracy and all the headaches that entails. It goes against the very core values of this administration: nepotism, crony capitalism and unbridled megalomania. People!

Stick to the old fashioned latrine…That wood beneath your buttocks sends a message of humility; that deep stinky wretched drop into utter darkness and despair helps us remember the 28 years of the PNC.
Wood is good.

And it’s not like the flush toilet is that old: According to Wikipedia, “the ancient cities of Harappa and Mohenjo-daro which are located in present day India & Pakistan had flush toilets attached to a sophisticated sewerage system—and other forms of toilets were used both in the time of the Romans and Egyptians as well.

Although a precursor to the modern flush toilet system was designed in 1596 by Sir John Harington, the toilet did not enter into widespread use until the late nineteenth century, when it was adopted in English upper class residences.”

There you go, the late nineteenth century. So we can safely say that it’s a tad too early for all school children to expect flushing toilets any time soon. Perhaps in another 500 years, under the same administration. Excuse us, but where is that Chronicle?

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5 Responses to “Wednesday Ramblings”

1P1N1D
on September 10th, 2008 12:38 pm

Dear SN Staff,
I love your article - It stinks (in a good way) of sarcasm but at the same time gives off an odor of truth. Afterall, a pit latirne is not about education - that is offered in the classroom and since the the latrines are not in the class, it does not count towards education. I can go on but you guys seem to have it covered just enough so the stench still escapes……

[Reply to this]
Natasha Boston
on September 10th, 2008 2:56 pm

WR, I love your articles. Keep them coming.

[Reply to this]
F.Jay
on September 10th, 2008 4:50 pm

A brilliant, incisive piece of writing. One of the best columns I have read here in many years.

[Reply to this]
darcman (IBGT4eva)
on September 10th, 2008 6:17 pm

SARCASM! How I love it.

[Reply to this]
Reza Khan
on September 11th, 2008 8:50 am

Great commentary, excellent sarcasm on the subject ” wood is Good “..if only
Guyana’s Gov’t could also understand the point the writer is trying to get across..either way …it’s like ” watah pan duck back ” !!!!!

[Reply to this]