Neglect was the reason why Talesha (not her real name) was taken into state care at the age of 15, but for her it is the best thing that has happened to her. Even though she has been given several opportunities to return to the care of her mother she has refused.
Even though approaching 18 when she will become legally an adult and it will be time for her to leave the Sophia state home, Talesha plans to remain at the home and continue her studies. Her life has been so much impacted by being in care that she has plans to study social work at the University of Guyana and join the profession. It is a way of “giving back” because she has received so much during her years in care and has the greatest respect for the women and men who toil to help children get a second chance in life.
“I get so much attention, more attention than I got before, and everyone is so very supportive I always have someone to talk to… Talesha said about the Sophia state home.
For her all she has to do “is behave myself,” and everything would be alright.
And while she should be celebrating because of her success at the recent Caribbean Secondary Education Certificate (CESEC) (she got four grade ones, four grade twoes and three threes) there are no hi-fives because she is disappointed.
“Honestly I am not proud of my performance…I am proud of the grade three I got in Maths because I knew nothing about it, but I could have done so much better in the others,” the 17-year-old told the Sunday Stabroek in a recent interview.
She talks about getting “into so many problems and being distracted,” and having Director of the Child Care & Protection Agency Ann Greene reading the “riot act to me and telling me not to muck up,” and how eventually she had to “pull myself together.”
Talesha’s story is unusual, and if you ask her how she ended up in state care she replies, “gross neglect.”
A picture perfect young woman, Talesha tells her story with much ease, and she even finds parts funny punctuating her interview with a quick laugh. She was always a “bright, intelligent” child but one who spent little time with parents. She is the only child of her now deceased father and the eldest of four for her mother. She spent her younger years with her grandmother who wanted to give her mother a second chance, as Talesha was born soon after she completed secondary school.
But after gaining a place at a very good secondary school Talesha was sent to live with her mother. However, that did not last long as her mother worked out of town and was separated from her husband. And so while her four younger siblings stayed with their father Talesha was left with a stranger when her mother was away. Her mother kept in regular contact and would send money for Talesha and her siblings, but they did not see much of her.
She never had a number for her mother but her mother gave her a cellular phone on which she called. But the phone got lost and one day the woman who was taking care of her got an opportunity to go overseas and was unable to make contact with her mother. The woman took her to the child care agency and asked that she remain there until she returned.
“At first it was hard, because you know who would want to go into a home…”the teenager said.
The agency attempted to make contact with her father and mother but to no avail.
Mom returns
And then one day about two months later, her mother returned from out of town and could not find her daughter. She was eventually directed to the agency and was told that she had to demonstrate she had a stable environment for Talesha to return to.
The eager mother did so by securing a permanent job on the coast and getting a home for herself and four other children, and she was then ready for her eldest to return to her care.
But something strange happened.
Her daughter refused to return to her; instead she chose to remain in state care where she “feels more comfortable.”
That day she was already packed and was at the agency’s facility when she informed her case worker that she did not want to go home.
“When she told my mother I could not look at my mother who could not believe what she heard. She took me home that afternoon and my mother did not speak to me for a while. I spent a week and then I was back at Sophia.”
And Talehsa never had a relationship with her father even though he lived near her when she lived with her grandmother. He would drop her and pick her up from school but there was never that father and daughter relationship.
It was while in the state home that she re-established contact with her father, who after a while offered to take her in, but once again she refused. Sadly just when she started to really communicate with her father he passed away suddenly late last year.
“Around the time I was not getting a father and knowing my father he died,” she said matter-of-factly.
It is difficult for Talesha to articulate why she made such a choice and preferred to remain at an institute she shares with several other children and which she easily refers to as “home.”
From all indications Talesha likes the structure the state home gives her. She is dropped and picked up at all times; there are rules she has to adhere to and she does not have that freedom other teenagers who live in a ‘normal’ home environment have. But her she feels more “free when I am there and with the other children. I would say I am one of the most respected children there and the younger children look up to me.”
She grants the other children a listening ear and they know she is discreet and she hears the horror stories of their past lives, all of which just builds her resolve to work with troubled children one day.
Greene holds Talesha out as one of the success stories of the children in state care, and indicated that there are so many young boys and girls who are grasping at the opportunity for a second chance.
She explained that Talesha and some of the older children at the Sophia home are going through what they call an independent life skill programme, which is geared for those who have no family to return to, but who are approaching adulthood and may soon have to leave state care.
She admitted that Talesha is not among those who have no family connections, as her mother is not only capable but prepared to care for her, but the teenager has chosen otherwise.
Greene proudly spoke of Talesha initially being afforded some computer classes at a well-known computer school and she did so well that the school hires her during the summer to teach.
In fact she was just out of teaching a class when this newspaper spoke to her and when asked how she felt about her summer job she said “at least my mind is not idle.” Talesha hopes to gain a spot in the sixth form of a certain secondary school before going on to the University of Guyana to read for a degree in social work.
She plans to remain in state care until after sixth form, following which she will return to her mother’s care where she would be welcomed.
“My mother is my mother she would never tell me I can’t stay with her,” she said confidently.
She said that her mother still looks out for her and would shop for her. Every so often she would ask that troubling question: “Are you not ready to come home?” It hurts Talesha to keep telling her, no, and sometimes she pretends she did not hear the question.
Asked if there is anything she would like to say to her mother to help her understand the decision she has made, Talesha said that it would be difficult since she does not believe her mother would ever understand.
“It is hard; nobody would want to digest that their child prefers to live in a home than live with them. I know my mother would never understand and I would be forty and still hearing about how I did not want to live with her…” Talesha said with a faraway look in her eyes.
