Dear Editor,
I have stayed silent until now about my experience in the war. War and conflict have marked a part of my life. I began serving in Iraq in 2004, where I spent one year, then went on to Afghanistan. I have been shot at in Iraq.
For years, people have asked me to share my experience in combat. I didn’t want to share my story because it was hard to discuss. War is both hard to describe and discuss. I liked the way Chris Hayes described it when he wrote, “I have seen too much of violent death. I have tasted too much of my own fear. I have painful memories that lie buried and untouched most of the time. It is never easy when they surface.” He continues, “War exposes the capacity for evil that lurks not far below the surface within all of us. And this is why for many war is so hard to discuss once it is over.”
But I decided to write my story so I can heal and to help others heal who have experienced trauma. I know that I can never go back to be the person that I was before war, and I don’t want to. Very few soldiers returned from war not traumatised. To experience war is to experience trauma. I cannot think of anything more traumatic than combat. The only other experience that I can think of as traumatising as war is being in a concentration camp during the holocaust.
“But combat is both a traumatic and triumphant experience. War doesn’t make you stronger, fearless, or more courageous; rather, it reveals how weak, fearful, and lacking in courage you are. I joined the military because I always considered myself strong, courageous and fearless. Combat humbled me; it showed me that I wasn’t strong, fearless or courageous.
“War changes us. This may sound crazy, but even though combat was horrifying and horrific, I did enjoy being in it. I liked war because it does bring out some good and courage in people. Some of the most unselfish, empathetic and courageous people that I’ve met were during war. I liked war because it made me a better person, more compassionate, less judgmental and arrogant. “The enduring attraction of war is this: Even with its destruction and carnage it can give us what we long for in life. It can give us purpose, meaning, a reason for living,” wrote Chris Hayes.
My experience in war was challenging and exciting. Chris Hayes wrote, “It [war] often does possess excitement, exoticism, power, chances to rise above our small stations in life.” My experience in war can be described as the thrill of victory and agony of defeat. The point here is that I have come out from war both a winner and a loser.
On Thanksgiving Day, November 2004, our base surrounded by insurgents was subjected to bombing. On this day, after the bombardment had stopped, I witnessed the charred remains of three humans inside a tent. It was the most horrific experience of my time in Iraq.
Before this experience, I had seen exploding shells leave bodies mangled, dismembered, decapitated. I had seen victims lie with gaping wounds and heard the groans of anguish. But this experience was different; I can still remember the smell of those charred bodies, a decade later. It’s a smell and sight that I’ll never forget. What are some of the lessons that I’ve learned from combat? In order for America to win the war, the races united and fought together. They were not white soldiers and black soldiers, but American soldiers.
For Guyana to thrive and progress, there must not be Indian people and African people, but the Guyanese people.
Yours faithfully,
Anthony Pantlitz
