Some believe that children should only be born within the confines of conventional marriage. It is assumed that marriage provides children with more stability. It is a valid point but there are many parents raising children in stable environments without being in conventional marriages, while there are many children born in wedlock who have to endure the chaos of their parents’ lives.
Freedom of choice must be respected, so whether married or unmarried women should never be chastened because of pregnancy. It is through the body of the woman that new life enters this world and therefore pregnant women should be honoured. But the reality is many women have been disgraced over the course of human history for conceiving without the consent of societies that label them as immoral and bastardise their children. Often, the men responsible for the pregnancies do not face the judgment of our hypocritical society.
I have been told stories of young women who were sent away when they became pregnant because their families felt embarrassed. Many would return after the baby was born and were made to lie about the child being a nephew or niece or some other relative. I have heard stories from women who were forced to have abortions because they were young and unmarried. And in some religious circles, young women are relieved of their membership if they become pregnant and are unmarried. There are also a few cases where I have known of the fathers also being relieved of membership.
A couple of years ago, a friend of mine became pregnant while working at a retail store and she was first suspended then dismissed. The store found some silly reason to justify firing her but it was clear that it was because of her pregnancy.
There was also the case last year of the city constables who were dismissed because they became pregnant within the first two years of being on the job. One of the constabulary’s standing orders stipulated that during the probationary period of two years, women should not become pregnant. It is a policy which should never have existed because it is discriminatory and unlawful. Oppressing the right of a woman to have children in a time she chooses is violating her human rights. In this case, the intervention of persons, such as Nicole Cole and Mark Benschop, aided in getting the women reinstated.
This week, we saw the controversial case at the National Communications Network (NCN), where news anchor Natasha Smith said she was relieved of her duties due to her pregnancy. Although NCN’s management has said she was not made to step aside because of her pregnancy, she reported that she was called into a few meetings and in at least one of those meetings she was advised to wear bigger clothes. What was the thinking behind the suggestion about her wardrobe if not her pregnancy? After a protest, which the Guyana Press Association (GPA) facilitated, the NCN apologised to the young lady and the wrong was corrected.
When I first came across this story, my initial reaction was disbelief. One would think that in a year like 2016, where we seem to be living in a liberal age, that a young woman being pregnant and anchoring the news would not be a big deal.
As women, we deal constantly with the consequences of living in a society dominated by patriarchy. Yes, women are becoming more and more empowered– thriving in positions of power, being the backbone for their families, and boldly expressing and fulfilling their desires. The shouts for equal rights have been heard and women are better off today than they were in the past, but the fundamental problem of women being seen as the lesser or the weaker sex is still embedded in our society and chauvinistic men have no issue letting women know how they feel.
Several questions came to my mind when I became aware of the NCN story. One of them was: Would a man with a large gut ever be removed from reading the news until he got into shape because it was not a good look? Of course, we cannot equate pregnancy with fitness, but it exposes the fact that women are often criticised for their image and, sadly, even in a case where she is bringing a child into the world, while men generally do not face such harsh judgments.
There is no doubt that there are many puritans in our society; many snobs who open books of judgment and decide how women should conduct themselves. Women are judged for the way they dress, judged for their weight, judged for not being pretty enough, judged for how they wear their hair, judged for how much make-up they put on, judged for their sexual choices and, in many cases, it is not men alone doing the judging but other women as well.
As people, we have the right to live by rules we feel are appropriate for our lives. If there are folks who believe that young women should not engage in sexual activity or become pregnant before marriage, they have every right to believe so. But what irks me is when people believe that the rules they apply to their lives should apply to the lives of others. That idea that their ideals are the only ways of righteous living and all else is wrong is not only annoying but also delusional.
Life is to be celebrated. We miss many opportunities to celebrate when we choose to bring misery instead. Bringing life into this world will never be an occurrence that needs to be hidden or frowned upon.
What women need to do is make responsible choices. Many find themselves in situations of abandonment by men who are selfish and immature. Therefore, before we choose to have children, we must spend time assessing the potential fathers. Men should also take up the same attitude in selecting partners to have children with. We cannot plan everything in our lives and unplanned pregnancies will continue to occur, but whatever the situation we should try not to have children we cannot adequately take care of. Whether married or not, parents have the responsibility to provide their children with the best lives possible and that includes nurturing a society where women must never be shamed or disrespected for the act of bringing life into this world.
