Night parliament would keep a lot of people out of trouble

Dear Editor,

Impacted citizens have complained about the major inconveniences caused when parliament is in session.  It is a reasonable, if not justified, cry, given the location of parliament in the belly of the major transportation hub, and the extreme congestion that characterizes that same area even on normal days, when there is no parliament.  I take the opportunity to offer the following (serious) recommendations.

Parliament should be held from 7 pm to 2 am and beyond, as circumstances warrant.  The traffic would be lighter; members could have a light dinner (solids only); and legislators would have ample opportunity to be on time, deliver hostile salvos, and pinpoint those relics that inhibit democratic and ethical processes.  I submit that parliament during the daylight hours is itself a relic from the past, and robs working Guyanese of unmatched entertainment and lush Romanesque spectacles.

Citizens could lean back in their living rooms, after a long day, and surrender to the mellow glow of soothing spirits, as they watch legislative spirits weaving spells, hurling curses, and sticking pins in each other in full view of the entire nation.  The bottled spirits in the home should condition to absorb the verbal mortars exchanged, and the ensuing smoke from incense makers.  I must wonder if some of them carry garlic in their jacket pockets.  I could smell the perfume from all the way over here.

There is still another benefit of night parliament: members get to practise karaoke skills (or lack of such) before a countrywide audience; rather regrettably, imbibing would have to be limited to misty tropical liquids of the clear variety.  I do appreciate that skullduggery can occur through the passing off of distilled Russian made beverages as Poland Spring.  Even further, local lawmakers could be saved from themselves in that they would be insulated from breaking any bar curfews; they have an ironclad alibi: in parliament and engaged in the people’s business.  Check the tapes, but ignore glassy eyes, slurred speech and unsteady gait.  Call that evidence of the early onset of age and over-the-counter tonics.

Editor, I am really beginning to believe in this night parliament business.  Think about this.  Guyanese are able to observe close-up a sterling work ethic in action; well, at least from those who manage to stay awake, upright, and make for some sense.  Moreover, Guyanese students are exposed to history (manufactured on the run), decorum (when it can be detected), and the beauty and soaring resonance of the English Language (streaming subtitles required) in powerful flight.  The latter can mesmerize via unsheathed ripostes, sizzling insults, and many an oratorically delivered coup de grace.

If this is implemented, parliament will not be a boring place; the challenge is how to keep the boring away from the cameras and sound system.  Still, I guarantee that night parliament could compete and hold its own with Wheel of Fortune, ESPN, and Entertainment Tonight combined.  I guarantee, also, that the bars would report brisk business from the assortment of critics, pundits, and misfits backing this or that pontificator and lawmaker on who would be coarser, tongue-tied, and generally lost.  In the next instance, I fear that those shops of merriment might be empty, as their best customers are performing for the nation in the National Assembly.

It is where closet capitalists cling unsuccessfully to the dogmas of socialists; the unprepared and unschooled make fools of themselves; and members who have never travelled past the Harbour Bridge speak in funny accents.  For its part, the Guyana Police Force would not have to worry about security or threats, as court jesters have always been a protected species since olden times.  But I am not done.

After their strenuous mental exertions on behalf of the people during the moonlit hours, and surreptitious libations (on behalf of themselves), MPs would be well-prepared to face the day through an early start, as in the always righteous hour of 5 am.  It would be straight from lower Brickdam to the upper reaches of their ministerial, professional, and other unknown roosts to greet the public.  Yes, I know: even the best jobs have their dark dismal side.  The good news is they get to park on the street, and fire sleeping security personnel.  Ah, the rewards of power.  I know it is a 24-hour job, and the unenvied lot of servants of the people.  As it is said, there is no rest for the wicked.  Now, given the composition of legislatures in this country, who would argue with that honorific?

Night parliament here would keep a lot of people out of trouble; it might even get some work done.  The concern is that they might vote a nice fat night premium for themselves.

Yours faithfully,

GHK Lall