“I never wanted to be a grandmother at this age. I still see my child as a baby and now for her to go and have a baby? Well, it really hurtful. I love my grandchild, but I love my daughter and I know how life for her will never be the same but as people say when you don’t hear you does feel,” this sister told me.
She became a grandmother some months ago and while she was happy that her daughter had a safe delivery and the baby is in good health, she is still battling with the fact that she is now a grandmother. We have known each other for many years and are around the same age, so I understand her not wanting to be a grandmother.
“I don’t feel old and I really don’t want nobody calling me granny,” she said, and she laughed, breaking the ice.
“But I don’t want anybody to call me full mouth either, so I guess it will be granny,” she continued.
“I used to talk to this child and tell she don’t run and get baby early because I know what it is. But I guess she must be say how I make children early so she could do it too. But you know I tell she how it was not easy for me, it was hard, she know because she experience.
“And yet is the same thing she went and do, like nothing I say make any sense to her and that is the most hurtful part.
“For me it was different it was like I didn’t have a choice. My mother almost force me into a relationship early. I marry someone I never loved and when I finally grow up I lef’ and it was a struggle.
“I know what it feels like to have a child when you feel like a child yourself and how I use to frighten because I didn’t know how to look after a baby. I got three children and I was not ready for any of them, but I know I had to stick it out with them. When I lef’ me husband is me and me children went struggling.
“I struggle to send them to school, something I didn’t have. And you know I imagine me daughter, me one and only daughter, in she white wedding gown go to meet she Prince Charming, not getting pregnant fuh somebody who I don’t even know.”
She sounded angry at this point.
“To tell you the truth I feel like somebody just rob me. Rob me of the opportunity to see me baby girl get marry. I not saying she wouldn’t get marry but it would not be the same. I talk to this girl and I use to make sure I don’t send her out by herself too much and so. When this child get boyfriend and all that I don’t even know,” she continued.
“And she brother them if they did know they never said anything, so it come like a total surprise to me. Let me tell you when I find out I coulda just faint it was like if my whole world come to a end. This child know for three months and ain’t tell me nothing. By the time I find out that was it. I just had to help she to look after she self,” she said.
I asked her how she found out and what her reaction was.
“Girl, as I said I never suspect nothing. I see like the girl putting on weight and I telling she how she eating too much and how young girls mustn’t be fat, but then one day the girl just say, ‘Mommy ah pregnant.’ Is like I didn’t hear good but then is like I feel like a noise in me head and I can’t hear nothing else. I just sit down easy in a chair and then I ask she to repeat she self. I hear it again but still like I didn’t believe.
“I had so much plans for this girl. She didn’t do too well in school, but I say I would give she another chance and you know help she out leh she get a good job and so. I don’t even know what happen really after, but I start one crying she stand up looking at me like I stupid.”
At this point the tears were close, but she did not let them fall.
“I had so much questions. … Who is this man? And when really she meet he to get sex? When I get to find out is a lil boy just like she and I was a lil happy for that because I couldn’t tek no big man having sex with me child. She didn’t tell me much like where really they meet and so on. And she brothers say they didn’t know nothing.
“I try to talk to the boy parents. The mother was good but the father like he want blame me child. They buy some baby clothes and so on, but they keep telling me that the boy not ready to get marry, like I forcing them to get marry. Me daughter not ready to get marry either.
“Now I have to watch how she have to get up in the night and look after this baby and you could see how she tired. I does turn around and help she sometimes. I feel so sorry for me child. She tell me how it was a mistake and that she and the boy didn’t have sex plenty time. But just thinking about that up to now getting me more upset.
“Now I have to think about how I would help she and make life more easy for her. I can’t just leave she and don’t do nothing about it because she is still me daughter. I had to get she counselling and so, you know prepare she for the child because is like I didn’t know what to tell she. I used to talk to she. I didn’t want she to go through what I went through, you know. And that is all I know, me didn’t go too far in school and so.”
I told her it is important that she facilitates her daughter’s return to her studies now that the baby is born. I was happy when she agreed.
“Of course! Look, I tell you I vex with she yes, but I still want see the best for me child. Things didn’t work out like I plan but I can’t give up on she. Is me child and I have to help her. I will help with the baby and leh she try to go back to school and so. She is only 17 and like I can’t believe she get a child.
“I know I have to get pass that but it still hard for me but a trying.
“You know my advice to other mothers out there is to talk to their daughters more, don’t just take things fuh granted. I think if I was talking more with her and not just talking down to her maybe things woulda be different. And don’t swear for you children either because if anybody did come and tell me how me child had boyfriend I would a cuss them stinking. But look, it woulda be true. So, talk to your children more, boy and girl and not just talk and quarrel but try to get to know them more.
“It is as if I now getting to know me daughter, the child that was with me from birth. I learning she all over again. So, mothers and fathers, if he is there, get to know your children more,” the sister advised.
Her words could not have been timelier. I believe this sister is on the right track. There has been a stumble in her life, as well as her daughter’s. But it appears that they are continuing the journey.
Take this sister’s advice and talk to and with your children more.
