Survivors of sexual assault will tell you, recovery can be a daunting journey. Experiencing rape can make it very hard for persons to reclaim their identity and sexuality after the violation of their bodies and minds. With the shame and stigma associated with rape, many unfortunately have to go through the healing process with little to no support. This isolation is not only frightening; it can be very dangerous to the health and wellbeing of those trying to heal.
There are many popular myths grounded in rape culture that make it very difficult for victims to come forward and be able to find good support systems. One that is well known, is that of the stranger in the night waiting to pounce and attack. While this does happen of course, a more accurate picture of rapists would show that they are usually people we are familiar with. Family, friends and people you love, inclusive of parents, partners and spouses are often perpetrators of rape. When this is the case victims are usually at a loss about who they can trust and who would be willing to believe them and offer support. The fear of not being believed can see victims remaining silent for years, with many taking the secret of their abuse to their graves.
This crippling fear is understandable. Accounts of rape are often met with scrutiny and doubt. If a young person is to say that they were raped while in a hotel room, the automatic stance might be one of “Well, what were you doing there?” rather than focusing on the violent act that was said to have occurred. The victim is often labeled as a tease that should have known what they were getting into, while the rapist is wrapped in cloaks of protective concerns over their future and reputations. Rape culture has made it so that we always shift the blame on the victim of rape and never the rapist.
Many are resistant to the idea of rape culture. They hold tight to the belief that it is a trendy concoction aimed at labeling all men as being pro-rape. To toss around the term rape culture is always sure to elicit the well-known derailment stance of “Not all men.” This line usually emanates from them trying to distance themselves and their compadres from acts and ideations of rape. While we understand that not all men rape, it must be understood that all men benefit from patriarchal beliefs and systems that normalize rape and the subjugation of women. What we are referring to is the gender norms that validate men as sexual pursuers and women as sexual conquests. Sex is not seen as something to be shared and enjoyed between partners, it is seen as a battle wherein men’s pleasures are prioritized and woman’s uncomfortable sexual experiences are taken as evidence of their manhood.
Rape culture refers not only to the violent act of rape itself, but also to the broad range of behaviours, norms and beliefs that normalize rape. We must recognize that culture shapes our beliefs and attitudes towards the ills we face. While one might see no harm in believing that “Women say no, when they mean yes,” or that women who dress non-conservatively are “Asking for it,” these are all part and parcel of rape culture. It seeks to not only normalize rape, it minimizes it as something to be joked about and for which a rationalization is always available.
We of course cannot discuss rape culture without discussing the elements of consent. Consent is something that is usually disregarded and is indicative of the way we view women as objects to be possessed for sexual objectification and gratification. Many times victims have to deal with those that seek to justify their rape based on the belief that the victim would have implied or given consent. This is dangerous as it is based on the inaccurate premise that consent once given, cannot be withdrawn. Consent refers to an agreement between two or more parties to engage in an activity. In the context of sex, consent must always be clearly stated and agreed upon by all parties involved. Gaining consent once does not mean that consent is gained for all future interactions. Persons must always ensure (every single time) that their partner/s are willing and informed participants in any sexual activity.
There is no perfect victim for rape as there are no set attributes of a rapist. Things such as clothing, lust or uncontrolled passion that are often used as excuses justifying the unjustifiable does not actually cause rape. Rape is always caused by rapists and guided by their destructive need for power and control.
As we observe 16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence, we must commit to stand against rape and all instances of rape culture. It is not enough that we simply talk about ending rape; we must actively work at creating a safer environment that does not see the violation of one’s body as normal. Rape is a lot more common than is acknowledged and it is time we start believing victims.
