“I help out because there comes a time when we all need help and I am just doing my part even though I must tell you it is very hard, but I try,” she said almost breathlessly.
As I was having a telephone conversation with this sister, I heard what sounded like a toddler throwing tantrum in the background. She took time off to calm the child. I could not help but ask what was going on because I knew her children were much older.
The ensuing discussion saw me developing mad respect for this sister and had me also feeling a little guilty.
I enquired if the child in the background was a relative.
“Girl, what can I say? It is someone I know child and she works long hours so sometimes I would help out. Even if I come home in the afternoon and she not finish working I would send for him and keep him until she is finished,” she told me.
“She is not a relative and not even a friend it is someone I know, and I know how hard it is for her. The father has no time with the child, and she gets no help from her family so me and another friend we decided to help out as much as we can.
“I am not rich so I can’t really help out financially, but I will pitch in here and there; not just for her but for the child.”
I listened attentively as she spoke, and I wondered whether after a day’s work I could give that amount of myself to someone outside of my immediate family (my husband and children); someone who is not a relative or friend. I knew I couldn’t.
I asked her how she did it.
“By the Grace of God,” she answered quickly.
“You know there were times when I hit hard times and it was strangers who helped me. But you know I am not doing this because of what others did for me, but because I genuinely care for this child and his mother. When we [her and a friend] met her she was really in a difficult place but now she is doing better. She is living by herself and really trying and I want to help her.
“It is very difficult because he [the child] like any other child can be fussy at times…”
And as if to confirm what she was saying, the child started to cry, and she had to cut our conversation for a while to attend to him.
“Sometimes she runs late, and it is till at night she comes for him and my husband does not always like it, but I still do it. And on the weekends if she is working I have him too. Yes, on Sunday when I want to take my rest, I am up running behind a child that is not mine,” she said laughing.
When I thought of how my Sundays pan out and imagined taking on that responsibility, I did not find humour in what she described, and I told her as much.
“I would not lie, sometimes I feel so tired and I really don’t have the strength, but when I think of the situation and I look at his little innocent face I just have to help. He did not ask for this and neither did his mother. Yeah, people might say she should have known better, but we all make mistakes,” she answered.
“If her family is not helping her, then somebody has to pitch in and for now that somebody includes me,” she added.s
As I listened, I started to feel guilty because I admit that it is difficult for me to take on the responsibility of my nieces and nephews and none of them are babies. I help out with them, but it is not often and at times I do wish I could do more.
As I grappled with my thoughts, this sister said something to me that really got my attention.
“You know if we could be a little more helpful to each other then things would be made easier,” she said.
I knew she was talking about women and as I reflected, I wondered if I have helped my sisters enough. Yes, I will do as much as I can for relatives and friends, but have I really helped a sister who is not close to me? The answer, I am ashamed to say, is no.
“All of us and I mean all of us talk about another woman when they do something wrong but how many us want to really help her when she needs it? I am a Christian. I have not always been, but now I see differently. I take him to church with me and if that is the only way he can see the inside of a church then I am willing to make the sacrifice,” she continued.
“But you don’t have to be a Christian to help another woman. I know many who do it. But for me is more than money. I see many people who would help others by giving them money and other things and most times they can afford it but what about giving them some of that valuable thing called time?”
I was silent for a while because I had no response to give her. I agree with everything she said but I just don’t have the energy or the emotional space to do what she is doing.
She read my silence well.
“Girl, I don’t mean to make you or nobody feel guilty because I know how it is when you working and have your own family to take care of. But I just believe that more and more we should help each other. This girl is not my friend and I don’t think we would ever be friends and to be honest she gets me upset a lot of times, but I am still helping. I don’t know how long I can do it, but I will help for as long as I can,” she said.
I told her I would be using the information for this column and she seemed happy.
“Oh yes, I would love that. It can make others think too. If we would just help out here and there life can be easier for others. I am not telling you to spread yourself thin because self-care is important, but we can do it. And I am not saying this is the only way one can help because so many do things for others, but this is the way I can do it now,” she said.
As we said goodbye to talk again later, I was left with my thoughts.
I know I cannot take on the responsibility she has right now, but I pledged to myself that I would help more where I can. Sisters all around us need help and if and when we can let’s lend a helping hand. That is what sisters do. So, let us be our sisters’ keepers as much as we can.
