A young child is groomed and sexually abused by an adult male. They are now another statistic in an ever-growing number of young boys and girls that are at the mercy of society’s inability to hold predators accountable.
There is persistent failure in protecting children from abuse and a reliance on shame, disbelief and blame. Over the years, I have come to realize that it is not necessarily that people cannot identify predatory abusers and their actions. In fact, they are always aware of them. They are the villains utilized to scare young girls straight, they are the shadows we see in the night and the strange monsters that pounce without warning. So, when people are forced to reconcile the reality of known friends, families and associates as being one of those menacing figures in the dark of our thoughts, they reject it. To them these people are human beings, just like them, people they know, like and even love. In their minds, these persons can never be the things they have long been taught to fear because they do not fit the image or narrative they have held in their minds.
This reluctance however is what those who sexually groom, exploit and abuse rely upon. While the language we use to describe them such as predators and abusers does help to push the idea that they are inhumane, the language is effective in portraying the way they think, act and justify those actions. Predatory abusers often go after vulnerable persons, the majority of whom are women and children. They do not abuse every person that they come across, but rather select their victims based on a certain set of criteria. Those who are usually targeted by them are young girls and boys who come from dysfunctional homes that may lack safety, economic security and love. They identify these vulnerable children and utilize grooming strategies of gift giving, inappropriate touching, coercion and force to break down children’s defenses and often, even that of their guardians. Those who groom and abuse young girls and boys are rarely ever strangers – they are often the ones closest to us such as family members or known friends.
The way that we are taught about sexual abuse is often so cut and dry that many refuse to connect the dots of how manipulation, coercion and drugs such as alcohol are used by predators to take advantage of children. With a Caribbean culture that is heavily centred on republican values of religion, suppression of sexual expression and identity, the majority of children grow up with zero to little understanding of sex and the warning signs of sexual grooming and abuse. They grow up into adults who continue to have a limited understanding of it all. What this of course does is prolong the cycle of trauma within our communities as children are not given the resources or protection they need and predatory abusers are not held accountable.
Instead of admitting that predators are flesh and blood people just like us, many choose to go down the path of blaming the victim, as it is much easier for them to reconcile with the belief that the child was the one that invited the abuse on themselves. They do this to avoid addressing the reality of the uncle who sneaks into the girl’s room at nights, the muffled cries of a grandmother who learnt they cannot say no and the fear that they carry in their heart over the safety of their own children. It hits a bit too close to home sometimes and people seek distance through excuses. ‘Maybe they lie, maybe the child was fast, maybe they wanted it, what were they doing there anywhere, they playing big woman, they get what they looking for.’
Another victim blaming narrative that is relied upon is the trauma that the abusers themselves might have gone through. Their abuse on others is often framed against the backdrop of their own abuse. It is a way in which they once again seek to divert blame and not hold predatory adults accountable for their actions. It is true that many of us are survivors of trauma and trauma unhealed can result in trauma recycled. This however, does not justify abusive actions against others. We all have a responsibility to actively seek healing and learning so as to ensure that we do not harm others. Many however, are quite content to abide by well-utilized victim blaming narratives such as those mentioned above. They know how effective these are in casting doubt and allowing them free reign to continue their abuse with impunity.
Society is always quick to defend the actions of abusers while those they hurt have to fit narrow ideals of the “perfect victim” in order to gain sympathy or avenues to justice. Perfect victims are often seen as virtuous persons who did not invite the abuse onto themselves. But there is no perfect victim and the idea that there is contributes to significant harm of children and women who face sexual grooming and abuse. Abuse occurs across all spheres of life to all types of people. Regardless of social status, education and conventional desirability, victims of abuse should be believed. Those who seek to bring up “false reports” every time victims recount their stories are just utilizing smokescreens to cast doubt on victim accounts of abuse. The supposed prevalence of false reports that they continuously harp upon is not backed up by reality. Taking into account that children and women often lose much more than they gain when they come forward with accounts of abuse, persons should stop relying on this worn diversion tactic and face the fact that their friends, family and other loved ones is one of the faces in the dark they were taught to fear.
