“Sometimes, you know, I would say that everything happen for the best and, you know, that God is in charge. But that don’t stop me from feeling sad at times. I would cry by myself, especially when their birthday come around. I don’t think anybody who lost a child would forget as long as they live. At least not for me and it does hurt sometimes. I not saying that I does sit down and study it all the time, but the pain does come back,” she told me quietly.
This sister lost twin babies, a boy and girl, three years ago and she recently spoke to me about her experience. She told me that every time she reads a story or hears about a mother who lost her baby at birth the memories of her loss return afresh.
“It is like sometimes I reliving it because I know that mother feel. For me it is not something I coulda talk about. Like I didn’t know how to explain it to people, but it was a pain that only me could feel. I had to be strong because I had other children. But I wish I coulda get time to just to think about it. But then again my other children alive I had to do what I had to do for them,” she said in a matter-of-fact manner.
She said that for over a year after the loss of her twin children she held on to some of the clothing she had purchased for their arrival.
“I used to take out the little hats and so on and look at them. I would imagine how they would have looked on them. It was not easy. I know it was twins I was getting and while I was happy, I wondered how I would support them because I had other children and it was hard already. And now looking back, I wonder if because of them things I was thinking God just take them back,” she said sadly.
“You know, I remember that day like it was yesterday. The morning I wake up and I feel the babies move like usual. I was anxious for them to born because you could imagine how heavy I was and then I was on bed rest for a while, so I was just ready for them to come out. I start to feel the pain and I know it was time.
“Like I still can’t remember what really happen but all I know is the doctor telling me how he sorry and that the babies didn’t make it. I was in pain and I was bleeding, and it was like if I was dreaming. I couldn’t really remember anything else. I can’t remember moving from one hospital to the next, nothing at all. When I finally come to myself I was in another hospital and then is when I know that I had a operation, and my womb was removed.”
I asked her if she cried when she heard the news.
“You know, at first, it was like I was just shock and like I don’t know, I didn’t even understand what it mean at first. All I know is that like I was feeling so empty and like I want cry but like I couldn’t cry. Not because of the womb but because babies had died that made me so sad. I tell you, I feel empty. But as I said, God knows everything,” she answered.
“And you know I didn’t really do anything, like ask any questions or so really. Maybe some people might say that I stupid because is two children I lose, and, you know, that it had to be the hospital fault. But to be honest I don’t know if it was anybody fault because from what I remember the nurse and the doctors do what they had to do. And I was just grateful that I make it and now I still around to take care of my other children,” she continued.
“Is me now have to live with the pain. With each year it getting less but I don’t think I would ever forget. I already had their names you know and sometimes I would call the names and say I wonder what they would look like if they was still here. I would not want other women to go through that you know because it is not a nice thing and that is why I does feel so sorry when I see mothers losing babies. Only a mother who go through that could understand how it really feel.
“I just want to tell pregnant women to be careful and take care of yourself and those around them support them so that everything could work out good for them and the babies,” she said.
Over the past few months, there have been quite a few neonatal deaths in Guyana and even maternal deaths. I am in no way accusing local health officials pertaining to those deaths, but I cannot get over seeing a midwife answering her phone as a woman writhed in pain.
A recent Reuters report revealed that an international data review published recently found that the COVID-19 pandemic has increased maternal and still-birth rates. The report said the rates of stillbirth and maternal deaths have risen by around a third, with pregnancy outcomes getting worse overall for both babies and mothers worldwide, according to the data review.
The review pooled data from 40 studies across 17 countries and found that lockdowns, disruption to maternity services, and fear of attending healthcare facilities all added to pregnancy risks, leading to generally worse results for women and infants.
The Reuters story quoted Professor Asma Khalil, who co-led the research at St George’s University of London, as saying: “The COVID-19 pandemic has had a profound impact on healthcare systems. The disruption caused … has led to the avoidable deaths of both mothers and babies, especially in low- and middle-income countries.”
The review was published in the Lancet Global Health journal and it found an overall increase in the risks of stillbirth and maternal death during the pandemic, and found the impact on poorer countries was disproportionately greater.
This report is also not an attempt to absolve those responsible for the recent maternal and neonatal deaths that occurred here, but simply to point to another fallout from the pandemic. As we remember our sisters and their families who have suffered due to the death of their children or have even lost their lives, let us also remember our obligations to ensure that we remain safe during this time. The true debilitating effects of this virus may not be fully understood until another few years but enough is happening and we must understand that we all have a responsibility to stop its spread.
I encourage all of us to follow the COVID guidelines as we celebrate the Easter weekend.
