Dear Editor,
I recently completed an assignment under the Spotlight Initiative to end violence against women and girls. It was while completing this assignment that I realized that many Guyanese men are insecure which they would not tell you and their self-esteem is low. Many of them are not even aware of this. I observed that the insecurities that influences Guyanese men to practice abusive behaviours e.g. domestic violence or intimate partner violence, are usually one or a combination of the following: (1) insecurity about money (their work and earnings), (2) insecurity about their physical appearance compared to other men especially, (3) insecurity about how their friends and others will view them if they cannot “control their woman” i.e. the need to seek or get approval of others, (4) insecurity if their partner finds another man attractive, (5) insecurity related to fear that their partner will opt out of the relationship for someone else and (5) self-doubt related to concerns about whether or not their partner is sexually fulfilled by them.
In addition to religious beliefs and sociocultural norms influencing the misperception among some men that they are superior to and must control their partners, the abovementioned insecurities tend to an overlooked factor influencing men to resort to power and control tactics. Sadly, many Guyanese women put up with these insecurities in an effort to please their partners, oftentimes to their own detriment. Even though many women suffer psychological, physical and economic abuse in silence, causing them to give up their own life dreams, goals and ambitions to please their partners, we often hear relatives and neighbours lamenting a history of abuse when such abuse results in death or long-term injury to a woman. This silence or the failure to report and follow-up with the police by relatives and neighbors actually encourages more abuse. In today’s Guyana, there are several opportunities to make anonymous reports including the 914 hotline. Silence is not an option!
Guyanese men who engages in abusive behaviours as a result of their insecurities also tend to display cowardice. For example, abusive men most often do not want the police or other people to know they abuse their partners. And if the abuse results in death or critical injuries, these same men would usually: (1) resort to hiding from the long arm of the law after they have abused their partner, (2) commit suicide, (3) they threaten more violence if their partner reports the matter and (4) a combination of 1 to 3. If you are such a “man”, then you should be prepared to spend a very long time, even the rest of your life in prison among other men. Why run and hide from the consequences of your actions, surely this isn’t “manly” is it? There are millions of other women in the world, yet a man will take his own life and risk time in prison amongst other men simply to “prove” he is not a ‘pacoo’. This is cowardice and insecurity! I would rather people call me a ‘pacoo’ and be a free man with another woman, than to be in a prison cell with other men for years upon years. And guess what, if and when you are released, you will be still called a ‘pacoo’, but now you will be a ‘pacoo’ criminal. Get some sense men, it is not worth it.
I intend to research this issue further in order to write a book on the insecurities of Guyanese men. It is such a shame that so many children, families and communities are traumatized for generations simply because some Guyanese men are insecure about themselves. It does not have to be this way, if you feel insecure and you need support, there are many options available to you besides taking it out on the person(s) you profess to love and care for. Fix yourself first before thinking you can fix and control your partner.
Sincerely,
Rawle A. Small
