Many times when we say women are unsung heroes it is in reference to them doing great things in their career path or their work or actions impacting the lives of many. But what about those who every day just do what needs to be done to ensure that their children are fed, clothed, have a roof over their heads and have access to education.
They are also unsung heroes and they do it with little or no support from the fathers of their children. I remember many years ago I interviewed a woman who was a sweeper cleaner by day, security guard by night and in between she was a farmer. Her indescribable strength ensured her children were cared for. Of course, she was not doing good for her health as our bodies need rest and she was seldom getting any. I don’t know what she is doing now but I am leaning towards one day travelling to that far away village to see if I can find her.
Today I want to share the experience of another woman who is doing what needs to be done for her four children; three of whom are minors.
“I have to do it because maybe I made the mistake of having children with men who just don’t care. Sometimes I ask myself how I can have children for three different men and none of them have taken up the responsibility of at least meeting me halfway to care for their children,” she told me.
I met this sister through her business, which I have been supporting and over the period I have seen her take up two other business initiatives as she tries to keep up with the growing cost of living.
“Every day is a struggle but I still thank God that not one day my children starve. They might not get everything they want, but I know I ensure they get food and go to school and I does let them go out and so because I know they have to enjoy life. Every time you ask the fathers for a money is always something else and you know I never one day take any of them to court.
“The big one, he big now so no more support but I still support him because that is what we parents are there for. He does work now and he trying with a business too. Is like sometimes the smaller ones would call their father and is always a promise till now they them self does say ‘mommy me not calling that man’,” she told me.
I told her that society might blame her for having children with multiple men.
She was silent for a while and I thought she would discontinue the conversation. I was about to apologise when she began to speak.
“Look, people would say anything and maybe I would say the same thing because that is the first thing they does ask, ‘is why women does make children fuh different men’ and maybe they are right. But for me, I got marry and got my first child and then things just didn’t work out and we separate.
“I was young so I was still looking to settle down again and so I met someone else and I got two more children and then again the relationship didn’t work out. Maybe I should have just give up then, but, you know, still looking for love; wanted my children to have a family with father and mother and so I met another man and got the last child. But he left and I end up with four children and the fathers not there,” she said.
“So now at this point in my life I decide that I living for me and my children. I open my hairdressing business and for years it was just that. But then COVID-19 came and that really made life more difficult. But I couldn’t just sit down and not do nothing, so I started baking and then later I went into poultry.
“Some days I don’t get enough time to sleep, but I have to work and the children does help to, so we making it with God’s help.
“I just want to ensure that all of my children go to school and get a education. They is not the brightest but they trying and they would turn and be something in this life. I does talk to them, especially the girls, because I don’t want them to end up like me. I grow up poor and thought the best thing was to do was get marry but look how it turn out.
“As I say, before people would say I was wrong for having children for different men and now I just look back and maybe I would not have done some of the things. But I done have my children and working and living for them. It does always be the woman shouldn’t have and so on but nothing about them men who not taking care of them children. I never try to keep me children away from them father, but is like they didn’t care. They just move and that was it,” she added.
This sister and the many others who work to ensure their children are taken care of are unsung heroes. Without them what would happen to the many children who are basically abandoned by one parent. It is sad that so many are still falling through the cracks because some sisters are unable to stand up and face the battle of raising their children on their own and at times make bad decisions. But there are many who do it bit by bit and in the end ensure that their children grow up to be productive citizens of society.
Kudos to all you unsung heroes out there!
