Dear Editor,
It has been said that one of the measures of a developed nation or one on the path to development is the importance that it attaches to the well-being of its very young and its elderly. However, I would submit that what is just as important is the well-being of women, and the recognition of their vital role in society. However, one would be less than honest if there was not an acknowledgement of the pervasiveness of domestic violence where women are the victims.
Far too often somewhere, some time, each day in some city, town, or village in our country, women are being abused, beaten, battered, maimed, even killed by their out of control, inebriated, jealous, controlling spouses, reputed husbands and boyfriends. And for those women who survive and have to endure continual physical abuse, verbal tirades and mental torture, the scars are long-lasting in most cases. This often takes a heavy psychological toll, in the form of post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and a compromised ability to engage in any future relationship – conditions which invariably require years of therapy to correct. And therapy is possible only if victims are outspoken and open about their abuse and actually reach out for assistance. In the United States, for instance, between 55% and 95% of women who had been physically abused by partners never contacted NGO’s, shelters, or the police for help. And it would be not be unreasonable to assume that the statistics in Guyana are somewhat similar.
One of the deeper related issues is that studies in the US have found that over 50% of men who abused their wives also abused their children, thus perpetuating a cycle of abuse and violence in the society. Further exacerbating the situation, men who as children witnessed their parents’ domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives or girlfriends, than the sons of non-violent parents. As a consequence abuse among high school students has been found to be prevalent between dating partners. Therein lies the critical importance of intervention at this juncture to arrest the spread of this disease which threatens to destroy the fabric of our society.
It is most important that we humanize the victims of domestic violence. They are not faceless objects or sex symbols who are simply summoned to domestic chores. Abusive men must recognize that the women whom they victimize are mothers, sisters, aunts and daughters who must be treated with the utmost respect. They are no different from their abusers except physically. They are professionals, students of high intelligence and prowess and should be nurtured to achieve their full potential and not demeaned in a fit of wanton rage. In fact, real progress in many societies is a reflection of vastly increased levels of university enrolment and academic achievement amongst women, which in many cases surpasses that of men.
My own experience growing up in a close-knit, loving family environment is instructive yet not uncommon. Though I may not have appreciated it at the time, in retrospect it is that socialization which essentially has tended to underpin one’s professional career. Many of us grew up in single parent households with women as breadwinners and role models. A well-intentioned father might have been serving abroad in the Royal Air Force or pursuing studies in a foreign land while a mother, grandmother and an aunt, as well as a village raised his son in a loving environment. There was always strict discipline but never abuse featuring in our upbringing. I revered both my industrious, loving mother and my absent father and it was undoubtedly their example that shaped my life and determined the path that I took.
It is unrealistic to envisage a society where there are absolutely no disputes among families and acquaintances. It is human nature to sometimes disagree and to express differing opinions passionately on various issues affecting our daily lives. But it is important to understand that we could disagree without being disagreeable and that we are not always in possession of the right answer to every problem. We must be capable of appreciating varying opinions in a debate and of being reasonable.
We must eschew callous chauvinism and espouse compromise. No one is right all of the time and therefore one must not impose one’s will indiscriminately with force and fury as though ‘it’s my way or the highway’. And we must know that disputes could and should be settled amicably. My own experience has taught me that there is a nexus between sports – particularly team sports ‒ and the culture of compromise, competitiveness notwithstanding. To ultimately achieve success as a team you must play together with discipline, respect and appreciation for each member’s views and contribution. And so it is not far fetched to view sports as a perfect platform for personal development and good human relations.
It is imperative that these disciplines and concepts be taught from a very young age at home and in schools. The virtue of mutual respect and the importance of family and a sound education must be emphasized at all levels as pillars of personal growth. Quite often it is these basic precepts that make a significant difference in our upbringing and how we relate to each other. We must be taught to practise good manners and to treat others as we would be treated. And parents, teachers, politicians, sports personalities and others of high profile in our society must manifest exemplary behaviour to our youth.
But those women in particular who continue to suffer abuse daily at the hands of their tormentors must understand that there are alternatives and other options. They must know that they do not have to stay in abusive relationships and must not suffer in silence. It is incumbent upon government agencies, NGOs, and corporations, to recognize the gravity of the problem in our country, and to provide resources not only to protect the victims of such abuse but to help the perpetrators understand that there is a better way. More often than not drugs and alcohol are at the root of such problems and organizations must be proactive in eradicating the scourge of those addictions.
Victims should be provided with homes to properly house their suffering families and to protect them from their abusers. In addition they should be availed of job training and job opportunities to facilitate their independence and maintain their families. As for the abusers, they must also be provided with the professional help that they so desperately need in areas such as anger management, drug and alcohol treatment, mental healthcare, and guidance in basic family values. And those programmes should also be bolstered with job training and jobs to facilitate their rehabilitation and recovery. Law enforcement must be sensitized to the plight of the victims of domestic abuse and offer them protection while bringing perpetrators to justice for their crimes.
It is time to confront our dirty (not so well kept) little secret. As someone once said, ‘In life if you want to make a difference you must make your mess your message’. The message here is clear – domestic violence is dangerous domestic policy. A society once benign and brotherly which now sadly countenances a surfeit of brutality and inhumanity must reverse this unsavory trend.
Yours faithfully,
Cosmo Hamilton
