I was in my teens when I made a vow that if I were ever in a relationship with a man and he hit me one time, there would be no forgiveness. I wasn’t going to stick around for a repeat. Part of the reason for me making that vow was the fact that I grew up around strong women, such as my mother and my aunt, and I never saw any man abuse them. I also knew that my body was to be treated with reverence. I knew that there were no limits to the worthiness of my existence. Despite my economic or social circumstances, I was divine. Fortunately, for me, I have not had any experiences with domestic violence, but my vow still stands. Sadly, there are many women who cannot say the same.
Last week, we once again saw the death of a Guyanese woman by violent means. Simone Hackett was not someone I knew personally but some years ago I would have crossed paths with her when we were both a part of the local modeling industry. Even though she was not a family member or a friend, the horror of her death had a profound impact on me. I imagined her family’s pain. I imagined the horror she must have felt during the last moments of her life. No man or woman should die in such a manner. She was a mother, a daughter, a sister and a friend and her life had a meaning. We know that she had a son to live for. We know that that innocent child, as he grows, will face the fragments of what became of his parents’ relationship and ultimately the end of his mother.
We have come to a place where too many women have died by the hands of men they loved. And we must not forget the men who have also died because of the women in their lives. The time for change is long overdue. We must not only imagine how we want things to be, but we all must actively participate in changing the culture of domestic violence and I believe it starts with our children. The way we raise our children has to change. As adults, we must deal with our struggles and also protect the innocence of the children. Children should never be witness to a man beating a woman or vice versa. There is also the idea that children do not follow rules unless they are beaten. I have heard the debates about whether it is right to beat children or not, including arguments about whether it is abuse. Nevertheless, in Guyana disciplining children by the rod is the norm. But if we accept that it is okay to hit children, it raises a number of questions: Is it right for a man to hit a woman?
