Things are slowly reopening here and the excitement feels almost like Christmas. My anxiety that flares up from being outside and in proximity to other people sometimes feels as if it is about to swallow me. Nevertheless, there is a special pressure that exists that forces me to want to be outside, to wear my Sunday best and act like the pandemic has disappeared for a hot minute. It feels as if I am caught in two worlds and there are realities of the pre and post lockdowns that I have both come to appreciate even more.
I liked being home despite the occasional craving for social gatherings. I liked it because it was comfortable. There was no pretence or charade to act or dress in a certain way to suit social settings. Being at home made me realise the lengths we go to and the gruelling effort we put forth to be present. I will miss not having to spend so much time contemplating on image as I prepare to re-engage with the world.
