I have always found the word no, a hard one to roll off of my tongue. I am either saddled with guilt or overwhelmed by the fear of disappointing or sometimes a mixture of both.
Many of us weren’t raised with the concept of boundaries. In our home and institutions, we were geared to fear when it came to standing up for ourselves. Licks, being called ‘own-way’ and using power to subjugate hardly ever carves out room for people to negotiate, leaving society with re-vamped bullies with no concern for boundaries and people who imagine this to be the only way in life.
Saying no is particularly hard for Black women, who are usually somehow expected to come through for everyone even when it is detrimental to their own well-being. The myth of the strong Black women is damaging. They are likened to human beings who can withstand pain, pressure, abuse and still be expected to turn around and teach everyone else how to treat them.