Two impulses contend in me – one is to allow chaos to take hold and the other is to keep everything tidy and in good order. The mass of stuff builds and builds into unsorted piles collapsing on the study floor and thickening files and folders of paper-clutter accumulate. But eventually the tidying impulse wins. Every so often I conduct a great clearing-up operation – put the books at home in neat categories, clear out my desk drawers in the study, fix papers and files in new and orderly – looking heaps.
When the tidying impulse overtakes me I take a special pleasure in destroying accumulated bits of paper and throwing out old newspapers and magazines. This can be exhilarating. There comes a feeling of self-satisfied achievement in getting rid of a mass of useless rubbish that is gradually piling up and threatening to take over every nook and cranny in one’s living and working spaces. Disposing of detritus is a little like returning life to greater simplicity and more focused meaning. There is a good feeling of clearing the decks and starting again. It gives the semblance of the hope we all like to have of getting another chance to do better. It is a little bit like an athlete losing weight and feeling fitter.
