The thought of having children terrifies me and it has for as long as I could remember. I look at people who make the decision to have children spontaneously in absolute awe, wondering if I will ever be able to be with child with such glowing confidence.
Most of my fear stems from my obsessive/compulsive disorder which forces me to overthink even with rational considerations and actualities. People who suffer with OCD are in constant worse-case scenario mode. The thoughts that haunt me include whether I will remember to burp the baby after each feed, if the maternal instincts will kick in naturally or if I will resent my choice, if I will be able to model the best behaviour for my child or if my childhood trauma would replay itself in me.
