Examinations and tests have always made me nervous. There is something so definitive about them that sometimes makes it hard for one to divorce one’s self-esteem from the outcome. Perhaps it’s the time constraints, the insatiable urge when it comes to trying one’s best remember almost everything or the fear one anticipates when it comes to telling friends and family about one’s grades that give such a prickly rush of emotions
The last nine months have felt like an absolute blur to me. I stopped working and decided I was going to fully dedicate all my efforts to learning something new. Anticipating the exams ahead, to feel less guilty about my results, I attended every single class – the only person in the group to do so. I asked my husband to not get me any gifts for birthdays and milestones during the course time because I slowly started to equate deservingness only to being successful in the final examinations. It was a slow and steady obsession that has resulted in suffering from burnout way before they commence.
