I always swore to myself that I would never become consumed by any reality TV show. These are words that I have now come to eat. “Love is Blind” on Netflix has me in a complete chokehold.
The show, which is framed around finding a life partner through a few weeks of dating in pods where neither party can see the other, is in its sixth season. It is only after the couples choose to match and get engaged in the pods that they are allowed to meet each other in person. Their relationships are then tested in the real world as they attempt to merge their lives in a trial period through vacations, living together and planned activities.
What I find most compelling about the show is that even though it is compressed to fit various storylines, it has a distinct way in which it’s able to make anyone reflect and pushes some of its cast members to reveal their most vulnerable parts. Perhaps it’s the confinement of the experiment, the removal of distractions or clear intentions known upfront that dissolve murky communication lines, but with five seasons completed it has produced quite a few marriages that stood the test of time. Maybe there is something to be learnt from another random reality show.
This season felt even more relatable as one of its cast members Clay Gravesande shares Guyanese heritage through his father.
It felt weirdly nostalgic to not only see him slurping his soup directly from the bowl, but stacking the plates for the restaurant staff like a boy who was raised right. Equally heartbreaking was his observances about the normalised ‘blow culture’ that he often witnessed in parents’ relationship by his father during his dates. He called the occasions where his dad would take him along when he visited other women, “infidelity trips”. He spoke of how he remained both silent and confused, choosing always to never tell his mom. He revealed how these trips eventually influenced how he saw his capabilities for commitment.
Perhaps it was PTSD from seeing it myself in the wider society, having lived there, and how easily it could be seen as the only way to love, but it made me think about consensual open relationships or polyamory.
Often referred to as the olympics of relationships, polyamory awakens some feelings and emotions that tend to lie mostly dormant in some monogamous relationships, like jealousy and desire and forces one to communicate about them should such a relationship type be desired. Polyamory does not limit either emotional or sexual connections or just tie them to one specific person, it leaves multiple possibilities. While most couples establish their boundaries on how exactly it works for them, some cities in the state of Massachusetts in the USA have introduced laws to help fight against discrimination of ‘poly families’.
While it is not for me, the figures of its increase on dating sites is staggering. According to a Singles in America study by Matches 2024 approximately ⅓ of American singles have said they were in consensual non-monogamous relationships.
A few days ago, dancehall artist Shenseea released what is now being coined as a ladies anthem. The lyrics, which advocate for no emotional ties in relationships, further crushes the stereotype that women are not capable of exploring their desires and interests without wanting a sense of permanence.
Growing up, it always felt like it was more culturally and socially accepted for men to engage in non-consensual polyamory relations. It was seen as a way of showing that you understood ‘manliness’.
I wonder what our society would look like if we were to truly communicate our wants and desires and remain fully open and respectful of each other’s needs. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many murders involving jilted lovers. Maybe children would learn from an early age the importance of respect, honesty and the right to advocate for their own needs as opposed to understanding unfair power balances that do not consider emotional and physical equity among partners.
Love may or may not be blind, but what is for sure is that the only things that can sustain love in any type of relationship are communication and honesty.
