The new opposition consists primarily of obdurate unionists, media hardheads, and troublesome mavericks. It finds voice in the sensational media. Most disturbingly, it is heavily Indian populated, busy sticking its nose into places where it should have no business and raising endless ruckuses. In fact, no Guyanese should have any business with any government business, or how such business is conducted. Yet this new opposition is energized over severely deficient facts and figures; economic underpinnings and political-criminal nexus; and government prestidigitation designed to obscure both. This so-called new opposition has grown from a once invisible irritant and inconsequential annoyance to a constant bone in the throat, pain in the behind, and a case of non-alcohol induced insomnia. It is a problem and must be dealt with in no uncertain terms.
Therefore, this new opposition must be taught hard lessons. First, confront the vexatious with the pugnacious. Put the obstinate and excitable on notice that they have been identified on the radar of the intelligence agency. Second, engage them in a clever variation of Gresham’s law. That is, saturate their outlets and reservations with the preferred public opinion messages; use every opportunity to crowd out their messages; supplement their actions with overtures and engagement rich in domestic mediaeval history, long dead European philosophers, and pointless legacy arguments of legendary founding fathers.
All of this means lots of extra work that impinges on party time at Providence, and the delights of Johnnie Walker (Green), and lubricated free speech induced by free liquor. In this sanctuary lacking in green passports, brown rum, or black humour, mudflat foreigners toil and spew venom at the bunch of jokers who have caused so much loss of political face. Here they choreograph and unveil the latest in media belly dancing to thrash the self-hating betrayers in the new opposition who are such a disgrace.
Moreover, it is a source of chronic exasperation that the new opposition adamantly refuses to be like the old opposition. Now here is a set of fine fellows: dyed-in-the-wool Guyanese who can be trusted to stick to the script and let sleeping curs – and rats and snakes – rest undisturbed. Just when the old opposition came on board, up comes this new opposition riff-raff. The new could learn from the old, by simply observing them in action these days.
Travel all the way from the fleshpots of Providence, pass the badlands of Agricola, and disembark at the backwater of Sophia. There it is: the rustic splendour of a museum dedicated to truly reformed men. Visitors to this hallowed ground are by invitation only. Smoking is allowed, and there is a steady supply of exclusive Havana from parliamentary comrades. Delivery of Beluga caviar, Polish vodka, and British Sterling is guaranteed on the precondition of good behaviour. Unfortunately, American visas are not available, since certain infuriating protocols must be followed, including character references and database verification.
The distinguishing feature of the old opposition is that it is so unlike the new opposition wastrels. The former is understanding, accommodating, and supporting, as circumstances dictate – or as persuaded. If only the whole story could be told, the new opposition would quickly come to realize how much it is missing out in the political bonanza. On second thoughts, this new opposition is so full of itself that it may be even further exercised. Better to keep quiet and nurture some more the unofficial arrangements with the old opposition.
It is fitting that one-time partners from back in time are today’s partners in crime. These fellows are a joy to work with; they are fully familiar with all aspects of give and take; especially take. Oh! What friends we have in… call it, the other house of freedom. Governance has never been so good, and it has been all made possible by these political dodo birds. It is a well-feathered life, where they rouse themselves once weekly for a press performance. Of course, there is the added burden of a dozen holidays requiring rousing words from the wise men of Jurassic Park. They have grown so comfortably ensconced in this subsidised habitat, that their brightest torch is an ageless wonder resident on Avenue of the Republic. The more ruminative within this hole-in-the-wall bunch spend their days rereading complimentary copies of The West on Trial; it is a sign of the times – and the mental reconfiguration – of the gang that A Destiny to Mould is now considered apocryphal. Meanwhile, there is barely concealed anticipation for the upcoming release of ‘The Protocols of the Elders of Robb Street.’ Today bets are being accepted on the recurring departure of the Leader of the Government Opposition (aka the Prime Minister of Domestic Complacency), which promises to be either a non-event or a scratched one.
On rare occasions and for the record, the old opposition resurfaces and works itself into a high lather on issues like low carbon; however, it displays little fire on high crimes and misdemeanours. This is why it is beloved, and why the new opposition is so unpalatable. It is why the latter must be warned, squeezed, trampled, and targeted relentlessly. If only this pestiferous new opposition could be like the old… life would be perfect.
