Cricket lovers like myself have been shocked to learn that Lords, widely recognized as the home of cricket, is to be converted into a site for Cirque du Soleil for part of the year and England’s premier arena for Ultimate Fighting tournaments in the summer months.
A spokesman for the syndicate of Russian, Chinese and American entrepreneurs who have done the historic deal commented that at first the owners of this prime piece of London real estate refused to consider any proposal which would displace the playing of cricket from what they called the game’s foremost shrine, thus bringing an end to centuries of tradition. “However,” the spokesman was pleased to report, “after long and intense discussions a level of compensation for perceived loss of a sacred possession was offered which allayed all doubts and permitted this new and exciting era to be ushered in by 2014 if not sooner.” So Lords, the Mecca of cricket, will be no more. Exponents and lovers of the great game are stunned.
Those who view this extraordinary development with horror and disbelief might have hoped that Westminster – Parliament or government – would step in and prevent the commission of this cardinal sin against the eternal verities of cricket and the nation’s heritage. However, a statement from the Ministry of Sport makes clear that government will not intervene in a private deal. “It must be recognized,” the statement says, “that in this day and age sentimental attachment to old traditions and historical values cannot be the prime consideration. Especially in the very difficult economic circumstances in which Britain finds itself decisions must be made on hard commercial and financial grounds. It will be gratifying to the nation that with this decision Lords will be fulfilling in a very pragmatic way its true and maximum value.”
“And, after all,” the statement goes on, “cricket will not die. There are plenty of perfectly good grounds at which the game can be played both at county and international level. Was it not our very own Bard of Avon who wrote “a rose by any other name still smells as sweet?” Lords is just a name for a valuable piece of real estate which will now be put to better use.”
Part of the deal which will bring an end to cricket at Lords involves a side agreement with the auction houses Sothebeys and Christies whereby the contents of the Long Room, its furnishings, portraits and centuries of memorabilia, will be offered for sale to the highest bidders. It has not been announced whether the original urn containing the ashes after which the Test matches between England and Australia are named will be auctioned off but this seems highly likely, especially since there is a Hong Kong billionaire who is said to be willing to pay upwards of $50 million to acquire the urn and its fistful of ashes. What is quite clear is that the famous weather vane of old Father Time on the pavilion roof shown removing, or replacing, the bails will be up for grabs to the highest bidder.
All of this is an outrage, of course. A nation which allows such things to happen is fast losing its way. Certain national repositories filled with historic meaning must be preserved at all costs, otherwise the ship of state soon finds itself adrift without a compass voyaging aimlessly on a sea of mists and storms.
It is reported that a group of old county players, to be joined, it is understood, by a few stalwarts from overseas, have determined to go on a hunger strike if the project “to bring Lords into the 21st century” goes forward. And a great-great-nephew of WG Grace has said he intends on midsummer’s day next year to stand on the hallowed turf and set himself afire in the hope that his self-immolation will send a dramatic message across the land. There is, however, no indication that the authorities will be moved by such desperate gestures.
One minor concession has been made to dyed-in-the wool traditionalists. In a small corner of the new Lords Cirque du Soleil and UFC arena a plaque of bronze on a plinth of stone hewn by a leading sculptor will be raised with a suitable inscription commemorating the history of this beloved place where the game of cricket was once played so superbly and for so long.
