This is the second in a series of interviews with women who have been supported by the Ministry of Human Services being published in recognition of Child Protection Week, which is being observed under the theme, ‘Positive parenting; saving tomorrow, today’.
Vanessa* has contemplated suicide, but has never attempted it or even seriously planned it. She has also thought of abandoning the one child she currently has with her because “life too rough”, and for as long as she could remember life has never been easy.
She grew up in a tough section of Albouystown in a single-parent home; she never knew her father. What she remembers of her childhood are struggles and pains, but she feels things could have been worse if her mother didn’t work so hard to provide for the family.
Some days Vanessa eats and on other days, she wakes up and thanks God for life then goes back to bed hoping tomorrow would be different. Her three-year-old son also suffers whenever she suffers, but if there is one last tennis roll in the home he fortunately receives it.
She is willing to work and provide for her children; there is another boy who is in her mother’s care, but no one she has approached wants to employ her. Why? Vanessa has dwarfism and currently stands at 3’11”, according to her the height is a major setback. She applies for a job and is favourably received when the application is considered, but when she turns up for work people reject her.
“I can’t do this and I can’t do that because of how I look, but nobody ain’t really give me a chance to show what I can do,” she said. Her frustration is evident as is her desperation for work. The jobless, hard life she is living has been too much to bear and sometimes when she looks at her son, she feels he might be better off with some other family who could afford to feed him.
But the bubbly, handsome little dimpled-face boy is hooked on his mother. He sat in her lap during the interview playing with her face and hugging and kissing her every two minutes. He repeatedly called for “sweetie” and Vanessa admitted that she could only buy him sweets when she has money to and that is not often because when she has money, food is more important.
She was unable to complete her secondary education because her mother couldn’t afford it but Vanessa is fairly knowledgeable. She speaks well and also has experience working in restaurants and in a few instances, she did domestic work.
One of her better opportunities came when a businessman hired her to work at a printery and was paying her well, but she got pregnant and after she giving birth she was told that the company was cutting staff.
Since that printing job which was close to two years ago Vanessa has been unable to find work and as she puts it, “been punishing since”. She would travel to the city once a week with her son in search of work; on the day she spoke with us she had been looking.
Vanessa said she would go to stores on Water and Regent streets checking to see who has a vacancy sign in the window, but whenever she walks in and applies they turn her down.
Some of the storeowners flatly tell her she is not tall enough. One man said he would have to go looking for a stool for her to use in the store if he was to employ her.
Broke, feeling alone and without any options Vanessa has considered doing many things. She was pushed to the point of trying to get her son adopted and decided to fast-track the process by making a public plea in one of the daily newspapers. What she did was to publish a photo of the child, asking whether anyone was interested.
People responded saying they would take the boy, but the Human Services Ministry also saw the advertisement and contacted Vanessa. She said the ministry advised her not to give up the child and they started assisting her. She was placed on public assistance and started receiving groceries, but sometimes the assistance is not enough.
Vanessa said the ministry allowed her to keep the boy and today she regrets the advertisement.
As hard as things are sometimes, she said the child is not going to be raised by anyone but her. Asked about his father, she said the man disappeared after hanging around for a short while. The father of her first boy, who is now 12 years, also showed no interest. Vanessa recalled that the man had a good job and had befriended her, after she became pregnant he pulled away saying he had a family.
Vanessa said plainly, “I ain’t got my luck with men”. She has had a few other relationships, none healthy and today she is single and not concerned about it. She said that it gets lonely sometimes, but not to the point where she feels desperate to go out and find just anyone. According to her, love comes after work and her sole focus right now is on finding some employment.
“I get help from the ministry with so much things but is the work that I really need help with,” she said. She is really interested in work to provide for her son, that is her primary concern.
Because of some of the poor decisions she has made Vanessa is estranged from her mother. She sends money for her older son through the post, but has been unable to for some time now. “I love my children but the truth is, I struggling to take care of them,” she said.
Vanessa said that if someone offers her a job the ministry is willing to assist her in finding daycare services for the boy. In the meantime, she will continue to travel to the city once a week and see if someone is finally going to hire her.
*Vanessa’s real name was not used in the article to protect her identity.
