“Girl right now I so stressed and I not sure what to do,” she said to me, her facial expression exhibiting just how stressed she was.
Before she told me what the stressor was, I thought it had to do a domestic issue in her life but what she said later caught and held my attention.
“It is my friend. She in hospital and is like she not getting better. We know what really wrong with she but is like nobody could do nothing about it,” she continued.
“Is every day I running to the hospital and is like I and all getting sick but I can’t just give up on my friend, especially when I know is not really sick, she sick. I know it sound confusing but is like is she making she self sick. Well, not really, she…” she trailed off searching to find words to explain.
She was obviously very worried and in her own words ‘stressed out’ not because of something in her personal life, but because of a friend. My heart felt warm over the fact that even though she was faced with her own tribulations, she was still able to worry about her friend and care enough to try to do something about it.
She jolted me out of my thoughts.
“Look, what I trying to say is because of how she husband treating she that is why she sick. I trying to tell she that she got to live fuh she and she children but is like it falling on deaf ears,” she explained.
“Why I telling you this, is because I know you know people and I want to get somebody good to talk to she. Is not that I can’t like I can’t call and get somebody and them in the hospital done understand and them passing she case to the psychiatry department but I want more fuh she.
“I want to get somebody who would understand and would not just see she as somebody to counsel but to really care and help she.”
I told her that most counsellors do care about the people they try to help and added that I will definitely attempt to find some to speak to her friend and initially she did not seem too convinced. At the same time, I did understand where she was coming from because I have heard many complaints of persons who went to be counselled and left the sessions feeling worse than when they went in.
‘I not going back. The lady don’t know how to talk to people. Is like she just want me feel bad,’ was the synopsis of one woman who I had arranged to be counselled.
Try as I might I could not get her to return even though I promised to get her to speak to a different individual. She stated that she would deal with the issue as she knew how and preferred to speak to a religious person instead.
But back to my conversation with the woman who was worried about her friend. I would not call her a friend but more of an acquaintance with whom I had had several conversations and for whom I have gotten assistance from time to time. She is a good woman who has just been given some hard deals in life, the kind of person who was dealt the wrong hand.
And yet here she was worried sick about her friend.
“You know her husband ain’t come home for months and she know he have another lady, but I guess because she is he married wife and they have children she think he will come around. But he not coming home, he not calling and you could see she getting sick and more sick. And then a day she daughter just call and tell me how she deh hospital,” she explained.
“I rush down and she just lying on deh bed like she dead. She breathing but not talking not showing no emotion or anything. Dem children crying and day after day them doctors ain’t really finding anything wrong with she.
“But I did know right away is what and the thing what really hurt me is when dem call he and tell he, he words was that he don’t have no money to come out. Could you imagine that? His wife in hospital and he can’t come out. I know that hurt her more and I don’t know how much more she could take but I telling she that she have to think about she self and children.”
I nodded in agreement to the last part. Many women put themselves last. But I also knew that any woman in the position of the hospitalised sister would also be affected, how we deal with it is another issue.
“Is long this thing going on and in a way I glad she end up in the hospital because it will force she relatives and so to do something. Even if it is for somebody to move in a lil bit and help she out. If I coulda do it I would go but you know I have me own things to deal with.
“But you know the real reason I talking to you is to get somebody good to talk to she. She need somebody to talk some sense in she. I don’t mean it in a bad way,” she added.
I told her I understood what she meant.
“Is just somebody good to talk to her so she can get up back because right now she in a real bad way and I just want somebody good to help she…” she trailed off again.
I promised to assist her in finding someone to counsel her friend and that was about two months ago.
I had approached a few persons, but before I got someone to confirm, my acquaintance called and indicated her friend had been released from the hospital and was staying with a relative and it was preferable that she/we stay out of the situation for a while.
She later informed that her friend got help from her relatives and she was doing much better.
“He [the husband] came out, but things not really better between them but to me she doing better,” she later told me.
“She back home and she taking care of her children and I think she preparing to just move on. She have to do that because from wah I seeing the husband done move on.”
She further indicated that she has been checking in with her friend as regularly as she can even though it has been very difficult for her. Like I said, this a woman who has had her fair share of issues but still finds the time to help a sister even if it is just being there.
I related our conversation just as a reminder to all of us that even though life is difficult, at times it is not too much to care for a sister. You never know how far it can go, even if it is just to listen. Just listen. If you can do more, please don’t hesitate.
And if there is a sister who wants professional assistance, contact Help and Shelter on 225-4731, Guyana Responsible Parenthood Association on 225 3286 or Guyana Inter-Agency Suicide Prevention on 223-0001, 223-0009, 223-0818, 600-7896 or 623-4444.
