“Sometimes I get lonely, but I don’t let it bother me too much because for me right now, taking someone is not something I want to do. I just have to make a sacrifice for me children that is just how life is. But I guh be telling a lie if I say it don’t affect me sometimes.”
The words of a divorced mother of five. It has been a few years since she separated from her husband and they have since been divorced.
“When I get marry it was like for better or worse. You know, you say them things and at the time you mean it but then when it actually start you wonder if you could really make it. I try for many years because let me tell you I don’t think anybody does want get divorce no matter how hard it is,” she said.
“But there is times when it is just that you have to do. I lef a couple of times and went back thinking, you know, this would change but it was never about change it was always about me husband or nothing else.”
I have known this sister for some years even before she separated from her husband and at first one could have never imagined that they were experiencing serious marital issues. While she agreed to talk about life after divorce she was not keen to talk about why she called it quits.
“It is a number of things, you know. I don’t really like going back but I just decide I had enough. It was clear to me that he was not going to change, and it was all about me doing things wrong. Man, it was just too much. I don’t really want to talk about it. It was just the right time to leave,” she said.
I asked if her husband did not fight for the marriage.
“He was like trying to bully me to go back. It was not like anything loving or so and nothing about accepting that he was wrong and he sorry. Is like we married, and we must stay so for life and he is the boss and we just have to continue living. When I keep saying no and he try all the talking the man just move on,” she answered.
“And you know I thought I woulda feel a way or something but let me tell you the truth. It ain’t really bother me. Is like I feel free. I just say to myself that life have to go on. I punishing yes but is not more punish that I use to punish when I been with he. I just trying to make life for me and me children and God will do the rest.
“But you know I is human, and I was telling you that I does feel lonely and so because is a long time since we break up, but I just know I don’t want bring any man to me children. I is not a old woman and you know maybe one day I might get somebody else but right now not at all. I just wouldn’t bring me self to do it.
“When I read and hear all them things about stepfather doing things to children and is girl children I get, I just can’t trust nobody so leh me sacrifice and keep me children safe. We guh punish and live and some time they guh grow and get big.”
I asked if she ever discussed the issue with her children.
“We never talk about it, but I guess is something they maybe think about because at least the father get somebody, and they know about it. So I don’t think they believing that we getting back together. I don’t know who is the person. I don’t ask because is not me business. I don’t really talk about the father with them. I mean I know it had to be hard for them, but it was also hard when we was living together.
“Is not like the home was a happy one, so I think sometimes they must be feel light just like me. Is not that I they don’t love them father. I know they do and sometimes to be honest I does feel a little jealous because I does be the one working hard to feed them and he carrying on with he life. But they is children and I just does do what I have to do.
“And to tell you the truth, men don’t really want woman with children. So you does have to be careful when them coming around you. I have five children and so it have to be a real man to think about taking me and all them children. But I don’t see me children as a burden, we guh live together and I know it guh continue to be a struggle but that is life.
“Them children didn’t ask to come in this world and so I have to do what I can to take care of them. I just hope you know they take in the lil education and be better in life than me. Them ain’ too bright, bright but they does do them work and I know they will turn out to be something in life. I praying because I don’t want them punish like me.
“Look, I don’t complain. I know I have to work hard for these children, and I know I have to protect them. That is just it and that is what I does tell me self when I lonely and you know I does feel for companionship. Life was never easy for me but I telling you again since I leave me husband is like a whole weight come off me shoulders. Yes I punishing, but again I used to punish with he or even more with he. So now is just about doing what I have to do for me and the children.”
She paused for a while and for a moment I thought she was sad. I know it must be difficult for the sister at times, but I wanted to tell her she was making the right decision. We only have to read the newspapers and listen to the news to learn of the many children who are raped and sexually molested in their homes by their fathers, stepfathers and other male relatives. There is much more that needs to be done to protect our nation’s children, but this sister gave me some hope.
Some may believe that she has nothing to be positive about, but she knows what she has to do, and she is doing it to the best of her ability. While not beating up on our womenfolk in any way, I would posit that we need more sisters like her. I know the struggle so many of our sisters face, but ultimately we should always put the protection of our children as paramount.
Another sister, whose young daughter was raped by the man she married, warned recently that women should be careful of the men they take into their homes.
“Please be vigilant and know who you are bringing into your children’s lives,” she advised. “We have to be careful who we trust and who we bring into our homes.”
If you know of a child who is being abused please call the Child Care and Protection Agency 24-hour hotline on 227-0979. Please follow up and ensure that the agency intervenes, and the child receives the help needed.
