I don’t remember “the talk” that was given to me when I got my period. In fact I can’t even remember if there was ever even one. I do, however, remember the one that my late Godmother said she received. It was drenched with fear-inducing language with the hope that it would deter her from interacting with boys. She was told that having her period meant that if a boy were to even simply touch her hand, she would get pregnant immediately.
As much as we would like to call ourselves progressives and liberals as it relates to our way of thinking, we simply aren’t 100% there yet. Shame over our bodies and what they go through, particularly for women, has always been felt through language and social cues. So much so that we are constantly reminded that the natural process our bodies undergo is dirty.
This could be observed in religion; I remember when I would be called unclean and asked not to partake in religious traditions. It could be observed in our deep desire to hide sanitary products when we make our purchases. It could be observed in the scolding I received from my late Godmother whenever she noticed the printing of my pad through the clothes I wore. In every sense, girls and women are asked indirectly to hide what their bodies go through, further creating a hostile environment that sustains what sometimes feel like a permanent fear when it comes to decision making as it relates to control over bodies.
For me, that sort of environment made me feel afraid to even ask about contraceptives well into my adult years. I would dip my head in shame around elders if the word sex ever came up, or if the TV was on and there happened to be a kissing scene. Things that were natural and that we ought to know about as we went through puberty felt shameful to think and talk about.
I only learned about different types of sanitary products when I left home. I became more aware of how my mood and body changes during menstruation. I learned more about natural birth control methods and I received a yellow card for emergency contraception services when I started university that I still have up to today.
The amount of information and resources received was overwhelming and what it did for me over the years was to make me become more confident when it came to taking care of my body. Most importantly, it led to the slow and steady release of that shame.
Some people feel that providing young women with the right information or speaking freely about things opens the doors to chaos, but what it actually does is empower them to take care of their own bodies and acknowledge what their bodies do in totality.
This should be available to every young woman, but will never be achieved if we continue to shame them or make it feel as if it’s a woman’s issue solely from the inception or the first stage (menstruation).
While they may seem small and insignificant, these are two practices that can help get rid of inherent behaviour that encourages shame.
No more hide and seek pad
People (women included) need to stop telling women to be discreet with removing their pads or tampons from their bags at work or school when they leave for the bathroom. How exactly is doing this going to improve the lives of those who may see it? It will not and it further sustains the embarrassment culture that is associated with periods.
Stop acting emotionless
Allow women to complain about their cramps and pains so that others can have an idea of how difficult it can be. Periods are painful for many. If someone is going through pain, encourage that person to show it and ask how you can bring relief. Writing off someone’s struggle only serves to make it worse and supports the thought that because only some women go through this therefore it shouldn’t be publicly debated or acknowledged by everyone.
