When Tandy Tappin read for her degree in education, she faced years of trials and hardships, which included losing her only son as well as her mother in less than a year, all of which resulted in her graduating long after she was due. Two years later, she has graduated with her post-graduate degree in education administration and for her holding that certificate in her hands is testimony to her overcoming some of the hurdles life has thrown at her.
Tappin, who is the head of the business department at the Belladrum Secondary School, has always wanted to be a teacher and better equipping herself to shape the minds of the nation’s children was a must. So soon after she became a trained teacher, the University of Guyana was her next stop but upon reflection now she thinks that the years spent reading for her degree were the toughest.
She reached rock bottom and at one point had to take advantage of the university’s counselling services as she took time off from her studies. Today, she still grieves for her son, Cojoe McPherson, who was killed in an accident, but she is in a better place as she cares for her daughter and continues to educate young minds.
“…My journey while reading for my degree… that was like an eye opener, a tough one… You never know that challenges and situations in life could have brought you to that place, humbled you…and make you relaise that you are not as tough as thought you were,” Tappin said reflecting on her voyage.
She struggled to find words and there were times during the interview that she became emotional but she said her faith got her this far.
Single parent
Tappin was in Prep B when her father became ill and died. She was the fifth of seven children and while they shared a one bedroom apartment Tappin recounts that her childhood was a happy and fun one.
In the Fellowship, Mahaicony area, where they lived, they were surrounded by extended family members which made life easier for them.
“We use to find things to do as siblings. We used to read to each other…the book of Bible story we knew it from front to back. Spending time as siblings was really something fun and really something I enjoyed,” she said.
She remembers her mother making coconut cassareep, which she sold in the village and as children they also made brooms to help supplement their income.
“As much as that might sound like a lot of hard work or degrading work, we used to have fun, but it was so many of us we used to find it fun. We used to get up in the morning and go to the seaside and get the firewood to make the cassareep,” she shared.
She mentioned with a laugh that “coconut cassareep is the best” as she has never tasted any as good and for her cassava cassareep cannot compare.
Following her secondary school journey, Tappin became a teacher at the Novar Primary School but always knew when she moved to the Cyril Potter College of Education that she would move to the secondary department.
It was around that time as well Tappin said she met the “love of her life” and at the age of 19 she became pregnant. She moved from Mahaicony to Paradise on the East Coast of Demerara and her son, Cojoe, stayed with her sister while she attended college. She recalls that during that time her partner supported her fully through college, even staying up at nights when she studied and did assignments.
Within the two years of her completing college, they got another child, a girl who they named Lea. Tappin recalled that she gained employment at the Golden Grove Secondary School while her son attended a private school, ULEC Academy, in the community.
She dropped him and picked him up and she remembers the many conversations they had as they traversed the streets. Those were her best days with her son.
Things changed
But things changed in her relationship when Tappin decided to attend the University of Guyana. The 38-year-old is unable to pinpoint the reason but she believes it was because she wanted to further her studies.
“Things started to happen. I don’t know if he got uncomfortable with the fact that I am moving on to a higher level of education, I don’t know what it was…,” she reflected.
Their once happy home became one of conflict and she suspected that there was infidelity. While initially she argued about this, at one point she stopped and instead focused on work, school and household chores. Her change of attitude, she said, led to her being accused of changing and having relationships. It got to a point where Tappin said she did not even want to return home because of her partner’s attitude.
The verbal abuse then turned to physical abuse and Tappin decided that it had to end. At one point she even attempted to take her own life as it became too much and around this time as well she failed a few of her university courses and she started to doubt her ability.
“I had to go. I said to myself I cannot be safe in my home. But when I left it is not like I had a plan to leave because what I know now definitely I would have left in a better financial position. I left with nothing…,” she recalled. She left the home without her son and looking back she said that was one of the biggest mistakes of her life as when she wanted to have him live with her she was prevented.
The Child Care & Protection Agency informed that she left the child with his father and he should remain there. Initially, Tappin said she was even prevented from seeing her son and even after a shared custody arrangement was worked out it was still difficult for her to get access her son. By that time as well the child’s father had moved on with someone else and this individual also created further problems by objecting to her seeing the child.
“If I think I went through enough that was another story by itself…,”she sadly said of those days.
This situation continued even after Cojoe wrote his Grade Six Assessment examination and was awarded a place at President’s College. She lived in Golden Grove with her daughter and yet the child was prevented from visiting her. In fact, he was warned not to stop by his mother’s home even though he rode from Paradise to Golden Grove for school.
It was during that time as well that she was forced to take time off from the university and to seek counselling because she felt as if she could not go on.
Things took a turn for worse when during the Christmas holidays of 2014 little Cojoe, who was sent on an errand by his father, died in an accident on the Paradise Line Top Road, East Coast Demerara. The mother said it was even more difficult for her as she had requested for the child to spend the holidays with her since her mother’s birthday was celebrated around that time.
“I couldn’t believe it. I still miss him…” she said of her late eldest child.
Less than a year after her mother passed a way as well and Tappin said it was at her mother’s funeral she really mourned for her son even as she mourned her mother.
Tappin officially graduated with her degree on April 30th 2019 more than five years after she had commenced her studies.
“Around that same time I decided I am going to do my post-grad because I need to build my confidence back…I failed, I struggled at one point you start doubting yourself because of what you went through…,” she said of that period. While she also knew she would have gotten a promotion with the post-graduate degree and increased wages, she said she mostly did it for “myself and my daughter to let her know no matter what comes your way you can still go on”.
“This is a story of triumph. No matter what you go through as long you don’t give up on yourself…you can do it,” added Tappin, who said the verse at Jeremiah 29:11 was one she repeated throughout the years of her struggles.
It states: ‘“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ‘
