“Me life living in fear, I know he brutal and he would kill me. He telling me he would kill me. He tell me the other day ‘you need to be dead’ and me meself feel like I want end me life because I living in fear, because I know he would do it. He would kill me.”
These are the words of a 44-year-old mother of two who said her ex-lover has been tormenting her ever since he was released from prison following a not-guilty murder verdict in 2019.
The woman’s story is as complicated as it gets, but after over an hour conversation with her it was obvious that she was a broken woman living in fear and in need of psychological and other help. While she did not ask for her story to be carried anonymously, I chose to do so because of the many dynamics of her life’s journey. I believe that exposing her may very well put her up for public ridicule.
Her abuser was charged and placed before the court over a June 3rd attack on her in her yard but he has been released on bail. When they return to court tomorrow, she expects a restraining order to be granted in her favour.
A part of her story was published in another section of the media last Friday and according to the woman that day the man passed her yard and informed her that she “wouldn’t get foot to walk up the court steps Monday.”
This sister started a relationship with the man at the age of 27 while she was married with two children. According to her, this continued for several years though she remained married.
“We never like live together, I used to sleep with he one, one time but we never live together. After I did get fed up going to hotel and meeting by he family and suh, we build a lil house and is deh I used to go and see he and sometimes too we would deh by he family dem,” she said.
“But I never lef me husband. I used to go home and look after me children dem and suh. Now me children dem big. One is 29 and the other one is 20 and we always live together.
“But it was nah good time I had with this man. He used to really abuse me. I never know is thief he used to thief and do drugs, but after I get to find out I couldn’t lef he because he used to come and look fuh me and he used to beat me bad. One time he throw rubbing alcohol on me and catch me a fire and is a neighbour had to throw a wet sheet on me but by dat time me hair did done burn out.
“He family dem didn’t want me go to the hospital is dem keep me and look me after and I used to be in suh much pain and it used to smell stink.”
I asked her why she started a relationship while she was still married.
“Well, people mightn’t understand but I had me husband and he used to drink a lot – he was a alcoholic – and he ain’t used to give me no money and suh and I had a baby to tek care of and is suh I start up with he. He used to give me money and suh and den me husband get sickly,” she said.
“To tell you deh truth is 20 years now me nah been intimate with me husband but I say is me children dem father and I wouldn’t lef he or anything. I never tell he I had somebody else and I guess some people must be tell he, but he never talk to me about it or anything.”
I told her some people might view her as immoral woman and she agreed.
“I know that is what people would say about me and they could be right but is nah suh I did really want it happen,” she responded. “I meet me husband when I was just 16 and he was 35. He was a bus driver and the next year we get married and is suh we start, but den he start to drink and he get sickly. He nah usde to treat me good either but he nah beat me but sometimes you don’t get anything to eat, sometimes he ain’t get no money and is suh me start up with this man.”
She said while they lived in their own home life was just difficult for her.
‘Liming’
She shared that she met her abuser while visiting a school in the neighbourhood where she volunteered her service.
“He used to be liming opposite the school and he used to trouble me and suh and then he start buying things fuh me just like that. We didn’t have anything going yet. And then one day he tell me how he like me and is suh we start going around. I wouldn’t lie, he used to give me money but I didn’t know wah he used to do then. I didn’t know he was a thief and he used to do cocaine,” she related.
“Is when a get to know he really then I know and then he was brutal. Is like I couldn’t lef he. This man used to beat me bad. One time he even cut me, but stupid me still used to continue with he. He used to tell me that he would kill me and so even though me nah been happy I still used to continue with he.
“It was not easy. Sometimes I used to ask me self is wah I put me self in, but dah was me life.”
The woman said she had a reprieve when the man was arrested over a brutal murder and he spent six years behind bars.
“You see when he get lock up it was like a breath of fresh air. I feel suh free and you know I get to start doing things. I used to look at me and say I was really stupid to be with dah man fuh 20 years, but he used to beat me bad. When he in jail me sell de house wah me husband been buy and we get a new and bigger house. Me brother in New York help me and den I get to open a shop and suh now I is a businesswoman. I get to buy a car and so.”
Found love
During those years as well the woman said she found love.
“I start a relationship with another man,” she said. “He used to see how de one in jail used to treat me and is like this man love me. He does take care of me. Is like the first time in me life I find love. But I still didn’t lef me husband and he understand because me husband now get a stroke and I does look he after and suh. I wouldn’t put he out or lef he or anything.”
The man lives nearby.
“People know. I think me family and me children know but dem don’t really say anything and I was living good until this man come out a jail. The same day he come out he pass by me house; he shock to see de house we living in now. He call out to me but me nah answer,” she said.
“He start attacking me on de road and de man I with now he beat he up and knock out he teeth. Dah is how bad this man is. Is three years now he come out but like because me nah want tek he back like he getting worse. I wouldn’t tell you no lie I not intimate with he since he come out and is dah mek he so violent with me.
“I just want he lef me alone so I could live in peace. He living with a woman and still want to come and control me life. I don’t know wah else I could do.”
Last December, he attacked her while she was walking along Regent Street and she had to seek medical attention.
On June 3, the shop was open and the man rushed into the yard while her sick husband was downstairs and she was upstairs at the time.
“He start hollering fuh me and me husband start calling out fuh me too and I frighten he would do me husband something, so I come downstairs and this man put a good licking on me. He beat me bad. I report he and after a while de police arrest he and he get charge. When we went to court the magistrate ask me why I come downstairs when I know how he stay, but I had to tell she I come down because I been frighten he woulda do me husband something. Anyhow he get $45,000 bail,” she said.
“Since the beating I not sleeping home because he say how he guh bun down de house and kill me. I frighten for me life.
“Right now I shame bad and I just frighten and fear fuh me life. Because of how he behaving is now like me husband guh ask me if he was me ex-lover. Like I don’t want he have to think dem things now because he sickly and he get stroke. I wouldn’t leave me husband I guh take care of he forever.
“But I need some peace. Dah is all I want, some peace. But with this man tormenting me I can’t get no peace.”
I pray this sister gets the peace that she so badly needs.
