“Well is not something that I did want but it happen and wah I can do? I can’t throw away me daughter. I have to support her and just hope that everything work out. Fuh me is not the end of the world. She can still make it in this life.”
The words of a mother who had just found out that her soon to be 17-year-old daughter was pregnant. Now this is a mother who was also pregnant as a teenager. Seven children later, she was not prepared for her first grandchild.
I have known her for many years and I wanted to have a discussion with her about her teenage daughter becoming pregnant.
The young woman did not attend secondary school and the mother was aware that she had a boyfriend.
“Well I know she did friending with this boy and so, but is not like they use to go out together and so. She is a big girl and everybody she age had boyfriend and girlfriend, so you know I just leave it so…” she trailed off as she attempted to explain why she approved of her daughter having a boyfriend.
I asked her if she did not want her daughter to grow up and have a career and maybe a better life than she had.
“She didn’t really take to the book thing. She [was] not learning and then she wanted to come out a school so I leave she. She been home and used to help me out and so and then she start to friend with this boy and I say well if she want to start life what can I do? I get baby young too, and I get married and is one person I had all me life,” she answered.
“Some people look at it like is something bad, but I know the boy guh marry she now and them guh start a family and I and she father and the boy parents will be there to support them,” she continued.
I gently probed if that was really what she wanted for her eldest daughter and whether that was the road she wanted her remaining daughters to take as well. She did not answer for a while and I thought I had upset her or maybe she was embarrassed by my line of questioning.
“It is not like I want them to take that life, because it was hard for me and if you love you children you would always want them to have a better life than you,” she said after a long pause. “But while me life did hard because we didn’t get a lot of things and we struggle, I had a good husband and I thank God for that. All I hope is that this boy will be good to she. Me other daughters them still small and maybe they will take to school and grow and do things fuh themselves.
“Everybody does want better for dem children, but a tell you she didn’t really take to the books and is not like where we living they have plenty more things she could do. The boy does work and I know he guh work hard to provide for them. She will just have to take care of the family.”
As I listened to her I felt she believed that her young daughter was destined to become a wife and a mother and for her that was okay. I wondered if it was because of where she lives, but there are people around her who are ensuring that their sons and daughters are given more opportunities to develop themselves.
I gently pointed out that she did not seem to want to push her children away from the life she and her husband had.
“It is not like if we end up in jail or something. We live good like husband and wife and we raise we children. If they want follow in we footstep then nothing ain’t wrong with that,” she told me tensely. “People does give dem children everything and all kinda education but dem still don’t turn out good.”
I did not want to argue with her because at the end of the day it is her family and I am no expert. Nevertheless, I felt depressed thinking about this young girl who is still a teenager and is about to start a life as a mother and a wife.
When I recalled that I was much older when I took those steps and I was still not as prepared as I should have been, I wanted to weep for this young woman.
I asked if her daughter was going to get married soon. “The boy say they would marry but he trying to get his own house first. So for now she will live with us and I happy for that because I could be around to help she when the baby come because I know it does be hard. My daughter is strong and she will make it and I will be there to support she,” she said.
I got the impression that she was convincing herself even as she answered me. I know as a mother she must be somewhat fearful as her daughter enters the new chapter in her life.
“I done tell she not to go and make any more children soon after this because it would be hard and I would encourage she not to make plenty children like me because it not easy,” she continued.
She got that right.
I can only pray that her daughter heeds her words and waits for a while before thinking of having other children. It is never ideal to become a teenage mother. Not only are there many risks associated with this, but teenagers are still developing and a long way from maturity. Mostly (and this is also true for adult mothers) they raise their children in a trial-and-error format as they struggle with everything that comes with motherhood. I wished the sister well and I advised her to be there for her daughter, as she would need her more than ever.
Mothers, as much as you can, help your daughters and sons to navigate a path that does not involve them becoming teen parents. Sometimes things happen, but some direction, love and support can go a long way in allowing them to fully mature into adulthood before inadvertently becoming parents.
