There are aspects of my life that I hope to always retain despite how it may change over the years. Maintaining and nurturing my friendships is one department that I consider critical even when a significant other and children become a part of the journey.
Your friends know parts of you that existed before the changes came into play. They share/d in both your grief and joy and somehow established themselves as constant reminders of your strengths and abilities when you seem to have forgotten.
But like every relationship, friendships too need time, effort, understanding and compromise so they can stand the test of time. Despite the number of years they too can’t survive on the basis of history and no present effort. They must somehow adapt along with the beings each party is becoming.
I recently came back from a short break with a friend. I got to wind down and to remind myself of parts of me that I had forgotten. So many memories seemed to have slipped away. Finding time to spend like this, though difficult, is worthwhile and I found it to be more concentrated and intimate as opposed to a night out on the town.
Never mind the years behind the friendship, or how brilliant, loving and caring your friend is, if you’re planning a few days together these are some gems that I found to be useful so as to not add complications or fuss.
Money matters
Discuss costs before and address any additional incurred costs immediately. Someone might forget a card or wallet in the whirlwind of excitement. While picking up the tab could feel like the normal default behaviour, it’s a vacation not a single night out. Budgeting and agreeing on costs beforehand would also be ideal, this way each person knows beforehand how they should budget and manage their expectations
Shared itinerary
I am a relatively easy going person on trips and I work even better if someone maps out the itinerary. That being said, ideally, each person should, I believe, have at least one thing they want to do on the list and the other party should try to be accommodating, even if it is not their favourite thing to do. Ideally this is about spending time together and it provides ample opportunity to see our friends bask in what makes them happy even if it means being bored for an hour while taking their picture in a place they like.
Ground rules, pet peeves
Simple things that seem trivial can somehow turn into grand mood disruptors, like wake-up calls, shower timing, eating on the bed etc. Be sure to discuss with your friend beforehand any issues you may have and if they seem to be too much a stretch for you, then perhaps not sharing a room would be ideal.
The goal in the end is to spend meaningful time with each other and to accommodate each other so that time is possible. That time should almost be like an escape so as to allow both parties to be able to focus on the important bits of themselves and their friendship, not small quirky details that our partners and children have become accustomed to.
