The emotional rollercoaster of a relationship filled with bitter fights has left one woman saying enough and while she could not muster the courage to walk away before, a pot of hot curry thrown at her, pushed her to the police station.
“He picked up the curry pot I was cooking and throw at me, it barely missed me and my baby,” the woman said, her voice cracking as she recalled the domestic spat she had with her reputed husband two weeks ago.
She wore dark glasses, but removed them to reveal a swollen face and a black patch under her left eyes stretching to the cheek. She said that it was the first time he had beaten her to that extent, but recalled at least two other instances when she was forced to report him to the police.
The strain of the relationship was imprinted on her face and she was visibly exhausted. She admitted that the past two years have been hard. She said she was uncertain of what course of action to take, but felt the time has come to let the courts handle the matter.
The fear of embarrassment of, “going public” pushed her to request anonymity. She said that her work as a counsellor helping women in similar situations makes it difficult to reveal her identity.
“People look up to me, my daughter looks up to me and I can’t deal with the stigma attached to this thing,” she lamented in an interview on Friday last.
The stigma she refers to is her biggest worry though as she opens up in the interview there are other issues such as whether she is brave enough to face the court and carry through with a trial, and whether she can stand up to the man she loves and lived with for the past three years.
She reflected on how they met saying that it was an on-the-job encounter that turned out to be much more and within a short while they were dating. He then moved in and things were “perfect” according to her, but soon changed.
“It was always something about another woman and I can’t say anything because it would upset him. The slightest things upset him”.
She admitted that over the past three years she hardly said anything about his indiscretions because when she spoke it led to a fight. They would fight and he would move out, but he always returned when she softened. And so it was for the three years; he was unfaithful, she quarrelled, he moved out, and then moved back in.
She has seen him with other women and has been targeted by a few of the women; they would call her phone and abuse her. Again, she was never allowed to say anything to him. She blames his mother for encouraging him despite promises to get him to seek counselling.
Recalling the incident two weeks ago she said that he disappeared from home suddenly one morning early and “lied about what he was up to.
“I followed him because he said he was going at his mother’s home to pick up something and when he arrived a woman was there waiting for him…I confronted him later about it.”
They fought over the incident and he left, but returned later in the day to beat her. She said he punched her hard in the face and then turned and grabbed a pot of curry she had cooking on the fire. He threw the pot at her, but it missed.
The woman said that their four-month old baby was also on the bed with her when the pot landed there, but the little girl escaped with just a few spills. She related that the incident struck something in her and she decided to “do something this time.
“I wanted to take it further, but still had doubts about what to expect from the system.”
According to her, the police were willing to draw up the charges but had no time to assist her when she asked about the court process. She later sought help at a women’s organisation in the city.
She said that her reputed husband is a loving father and that there is some good in him, but that she has had enough. She is afraid of him hitting her again, saying that in the past she never made much of it when he abused her because it was not serious.
The difference this time, she said, is that she is now realizing how at risk and in danger women are in the country. She said that the recent spate of violent attacks and murders has tugged at something in her and she is now ready to move away from her situation. She is also afraid.
Though she fought back tears while talking her voice continuously broke and she choked up several times. She also spoke of her children, the baby and an older girl, who she said mean the world to her and that she is fighting to be around for them.
“I didn’t want to do this story, but I changed my mind because I want to move on and I hope to find the strength from doing this,” she added.
She declared that she has been fortunate to have an education and to have found a job where she can counsel women who are abused, but lamented her own situation. She said that as someone who is there seeing it regularly, she has been caught up in it for three years and has been silent.
But it will not continue, according to her. She said that with the help of the women’s group and the support of her family she intends to move on and stay clear of men who are controlling and abusive.
“After three years of that I don’t want it anymore,” she said.
