“I had just given up and figure that was my lot in life. It was not a lot I had envisioned growing up but then I said that so be it. I was getting tired and wondering how much more I could take. But then it just happened. I found someone or he found me and I got married and it was like another opportunity to live, to breathe,” she said with a slight smile.
This sister got married in her late thirties and for her it was more of escaping her present circumstances than love courtship.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband but when he first show interest I was not interested because I said to myself that once he finds out all he would just turn and walk. So I was giving him a hard time at first but the man saw me and was ready for a wife,” she said laughing.
As she spoke to me I felt the sister’s emotion in everything she told me, some of which I have not included as she has asked not to be identified.
“I am not ashamed of my journey but you know you just don’t want people to know is you business in the newspaper and some people might not be too happy,” she told me.
“I met my husband by chance while visiting a different part of Guyana and I know he was interested in me from the first time. But I was like no it would not work. As I had said, marriage for me was a thing of the past because I felt it would not happen.
“I had so much responsibility at home and I was not blaming anyone but it was taking a toll on me. I was becoming drained. I love my family but there is so much you can give of yourself and no more. Imagine working and when you are home, you just so busy taking care of everyone else. Trying to give my mother a break, helping her with my sick siblings and when I get paid all the money just go back into the house.
“People were noticing and saying that I was being taken advantage of and while sometimes it felt like that in the end I realize that maybe it was a can’t-help situation. What I know is that I had said it was my lot and I was not living anymore but just existing.
“So when this man show interest – I had dated before but nothing serious really – I just laugh to myself and say if he only know. I come back and I was telling my male relatives and it was like a joke. But the man was persistent and even though there was distance he found a way to communicate. One of my relatives said let he come and he would see. Well the man come and that was it.
“I thought maybe he would just get turn off because he see the responsibility I had but the man was not turn off at all and to make a long story long we get married. And you know now I not living anywhere close to where I grow up and my relatives found a way to survive. I would still assist financially but I am not there anymore physically.
“Before I get married I was like these people can’t live without me. I know yes if I died that was it but I would question how I could be alive and just move out and leave them. One of my church sisters had told me I would grind myself to the grave if I don’t give myself a break. She see what was happening and how it was taking a toll and she said I need to do something. But at that point I didn’t know what to do because I felt that was it. I was just praying that the Lord help me so I wouldn’t feel so tired and overwhelmed.
“Today I am in a much better place and I am thankful my husband persisted even after he saw my situation. He told me afterwards that he loved me more because of how committed I was but that he knew he had to get me out… Sometimes I still feel sorry for my mom because I am not there anymore, but I am thankful that she is making it by the Grace of God.
“Looking back I not sure what I could have done differently,” she said to a question I asked.
“It was just the situation. I was the only one to help and I just had to do what I had to do, that’s all. Life is better now, not perfect but nobody has a perfect life. But I am in a much better place emotionally and physically and for that I am thankful. My husband is good to me and my family so what can I complain about?
“But I just want to add that as humans we must know when it is too much. If you are drowning then you can’t help nobody around you. You can’t even help yourself. That is where I was headed. I had nothing else to give but I was still trying to give. But I got out and today things are better all round,” the sister said.
Kudos to this sister and her family. Take her advice. There are times when we just have to say enough is enough if we want to save ourselves. We might not all be lucky like this sister to have someone to assist so we need to be on the lookout and just know when to make that step to save ourselves.
