Dear Editor,
Many are feeling too overwhelmed and under equipped to help resolve the challenging and oppressive issues facing Guyana. But there are some simple things everyone can immediately begin doing that can significantly improve the lives of present and future generations.
First, I ask your readers to thoughtfully consider this extract from “On Education for Children” by Erasmus, Dutch humanist and Renaissance scholar who lived from 1466-1536. “A teacher can expect success in the classroom if he displays the qualities of gentleness and kindness and also possesses the skill and ingenuity to devise various means of making the studies pleasant and keeping the child from feeling any strain.” “Nothing is more harmful than an instructor whose conduct causes his students to take an intense dislike to their studies before they are sufficiently mature to appreciate them for their own sake.” “A prerequisite for learning is that the teacher must be liked.” “Gradually, after first enjoying learning because of their instructor,
children will come to like their teacher for the sake of learning.” “Just as we cherish many gifts because they were given to us by those we consider our dearest friends, so also children who are still too young for any intellectual appreciation take pleasure in school because of their fondness for their teacher.” “There is a good deal of truth in Isocrates’ saying we learn best when we have the desire to learn; and it is from those whom we like and respect that we learn most eagerly.” In February 2021, our Ministry of Education “launched a ‘BEKIND’ campaign that seeks to address the upsurge in unkind behaviours being meted out to Guyanese. The primary targets of the ‘BEKIND’ campaign are children, teachers, and parents who have had harsh experiences due to Covid-19 and its impact.” This campaign is supported by the NGO ChildLink, in partnership with community based organizations, through the ‘One Thousand Boys’ project being implemented with support from the European Union and Family for Every Child. Ten positive behavioural norms from the ChildLinK BeKind BeKind: Hurt People Hurt People manual will be outlined below for attention and practice by your readers and others.
When Guyanese hear the term ‘gender-based violence,’ they usually associate it with the violence men perpetrate against women. As the mother of a son, and the grandmother of his two girls, writing this letter on Mother’s Day 2022, I know that for the most part, we women in this part of the world choose our partners, and choose the other parent of our offspring. Whether as single parents or not, women play a large part in raising the men our boy children become. We know, and it has been confirmed by our Child Care & Protection Agency, that children are the main victims of domestic or family based violence; and that most of this violence is meted out by females with home management duties. Quite likely because caring work is seen as women’s work, and the low-salaried nature of the profession, our schools are staffed mainly by women. We know also that most female perpetrators of violence have been and/or are currently victims of interpersonal, institutional, and systemic violence. So, a victim lurks under the skin of every perpetrator. The skin, the HIV pandemic taught us, is not only a vital organ, but the largest organ of the body. Its well being is vital for our mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health. It is the human being’s connection with and/or disconnection from our external and internal environments. Teachers, parents, and persons responsible for children and adolescents who consistently treat their minds, spirits, and bodies with kindness, and who advocate for kindness in our treatment of one another, can begin curbing the high levels of male/female, male/male, and other corporal punishment plaguing Guyana.
The second request of this mother of a boy is for reflection on the normal experiences of our boys. Then, I ask that you reflect on each of the ten positive norms from the ChildLinK manual briefly outlined below, and then imagine the difference in our urban, rural, and hinterland communities (not just violence reduction) if these norms were incorporated in our daily lives at home and in all the communities to which we have access. The first norm calls us to be advocates for kindness to boys. We know the results of unkindness to boys; they are not good. The second norm involves working to become knowledgeable about, and raising awareness on, all the factors that make boys kind siblings, kind partners, kind fathers, kind employers, and good men. The third, fourth, and fifth norms are acknowledging the specific needs of boys; making them feel acceptable by accepting them; and ensuring that they grow up with a strong attachment to parents/caregivers so they can successfully and emotionally attach to their partners and children in their turn. The sixth and seventh norms need us to become mindful of, and attend to, boys unmet emotional and other needs; and ensure they have meaningful access to caring and compassionate adults, generally and especially in the difficult circumstances that tend to separate families. The eighth norm requires being affectionate and showing affection so they feel loved and have their yearnings for genuine connection and belonging satisfied. The ninth norm calls for accountability, thereby teaching accountability and responsibility by example. The tenth norm is atonement, the righting of wrongs perpetrated because we didn’t know better. Sincerely felt and expressed apologies, non repetition of previous bad behaviours, practicing of better behaviours, redress, forgiveness, and repairing of ruptures are part of atonement work.
Imagine that these norms are the basis of ‘normal’ behaviours in all communities of Guyana. Imagine that these norms are fundamental to ‘normal’ behaviours in our schools. Imagine that the discipline in your family is led and characterized by ‘normal’ behaviours. We can all begin to denormalize and abnormalize all violence in all our relationships. We can stop using violence to shame, embarrass, humiliate, punish; order, control, correct, or stop behaviours. We can start seeing behaviours as the external symptoms of an internal disease contracted from others with the same disease, usually unknowingly, and spread to vulnerable and unimmunized others. Even the ignorant among us would not try to protect against Covid by slapping sufferers with fever, cough, or pain symptoms. We don’t attack symptoms; we seek and attend to the cause or causes. Covid and HIV taught us about the importance of understanding the who, what, when, where, why, and how; and offering counsel, treatment, compassion, care, and support. In the same way we have taught, learnt, practiced, and experienced the use, threats, and fear of violence we can teach, learn, practice, and experience the immense powers of kindness.
Sincerely,
Bonita Harris
